Sisters

It's the Return of the Barber Girls! :)


And it's amazing how immature we can be when we're finally together again. Fun times. :)

Stupid visa drama

I feel like I've forsaken my blog... I guess it's because quite a bit has been going on, both in my head and in my little world, and I've spent more time thinking and talking than publishing my life stories in the internet. But whatever. Whatever, I tell you. It's all under control.

Why does drama always happen to me? Last night, a friend was here and she was looking at my visa. The conversation was so typical of Life Abroad in Mary's World:

Friend: "Nice Visa."
Mary: "Thanks."
Friend: "Hey, you know your living permit expired two months ago."
Mary: "Crap. What?"
Friend: "Yeah, October 2008."
Mary: "I knew I was forgetting something."

So of course I'm worried that when I LEAVE THE COUNTRY IN THREE DAYS, they're not going to let me back in cause my freaking permit expired. So I spent half the morning frantically calling the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, trying to get stuff straightened out. And now I have to drive to Wesel on Friday morning, the day before I fly. Why me? But at least my life is rarely boring.

By the way, I'm not really a Financial Analyst... I'm a Ninja with firey poisonous darts.

Books and Beauty

So I discovered the Library at the Duisburg-Essen University... it's like a little island of Paradise in a harsh, cold, world. Nah, not really, I'm actually doing surprisingly manically well. And I have a book of Hopkins poetry! Adrenaline rush! Here's an excerpt from Pied Beauty.

Glory be to God for...
...All things counter, original, spare, strange;
Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)
With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;
He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change:
Praise him.

For those who care, my all-time favourite poem is also by him (thus the book choice): The Windhover.

Chocolate!

So... I found chocolate in my mailbox today and I don't know who it's from! There was no note, nothing. But it was definitely some of my favourite chocolate - the kind with strawberry yoghurt, mmm. :) I've already asked several people but no one seems to know anything. I think I have an Admirer. Or someone who wants to poison me.

Perspectives

This is one of my new favourite pictures - it's Maurice and me renovating (or not) at Mariposa's. I call it "Resting after a hard day's work in Essen." But he called it "The Shoot-out." It all depends on how you look at it.

I'd kind of like to change some stuff around in my appartment... for example... painting a Monet mural on the wall, or painting "clouds" on the ceiling.

Politics and Pageants

I think the US Presidential Elections are the men's version of the Miss America Beauty Pageant. If women strive to be beautiful and loved, then Miss America is the Ultimate: she's loved, she's lovely, she's wanted, and all this on an official national level, sealed with a diamond-studded-princess-tiara. What more could a girl want? And if men strive for respect and admiration, then which man wouldn't want to be the President? After all, it's the highest, most respected position in one of the most influential countries in the world.

So, men and women of America, let the competition begin. For women, the most important part of the competition is looking good, whether it be in an every-day-dress, an evening gown, or even no clothes at all. This, my Dear Readers, is the message we want to send our future generation of women. For men, the most important part of the competition is the debate, and out-witting your opponent. You don't even have to say anything intelligent or relevant yourself... as long as you keep the debate going and make your opponent look like an idiot every now and then, then you're doing your job. And you're manly and respected.

I've never been that big into politics... which is odd, because I'm quite the Idealist. Maybe it's because I believe that it's the every-day-people and the little things that make the real, tangible difference, and not some politician. Sure, a politician has influence in the long-run and in the Big Picture... but I'm so trapped in my own Little World that it's sometimes hard to see the Big Picture until years later. Or maybe it's because I'm a frustrated, pessimistic Idealist.

Somebody, stop me

There's been so much going on... life and people and work and blah blah blah. I don't even know where to start.

In a book I just finished, the author described the difference between how men and women think. She used the analogy of a computer screen and various open programs or windows. A woman, for example, simultaneously thinks about multiple things - she'll have various "windows" open, and is unable to close certain windows. A man, on the other hand, tends to have one window open at a time. He'll think about one issue, close the window, and then move on to the next issue. In this sense, I'm 120% woman... and the problem is that I currently have one or two windows that I simply cannot close. It's as if one or two major windows have been opened, and they're crowding everything else in my brain out of the way. And I can't shut them. And I'm distracted and unable to concentrate.

I was talking with a guy friend, and he said that he's able to stop thinking about something, even if it's important to him or it's bothering him or it's unresolved. I'm jealous. I need a brain transplant. If I hadn't lost so much money in investments (*bleeping* financial crisis), maybe I could even afford one.

My Onion Life

I feel like I'm leading multiple lives with multiple identities in multiple dimensions. Sometimes it's kind of fun and interesting, but other times I wish I were more normal and stable. Though in the last several months I've started accepting (and even liking) my own weirdness. That's important.

It's not like a Glass Onion Life... more like a Coloured Onion. I think I need to discover a new colour.

New York from the Ferry

So... which is your favourite photo?


It's real-colour, for the Realists among my Dear Readers. What you see is what you get, you perceive and accept the world as it is, and Imagine is nothing more than a dusty old John Lennon song.



Behold, sepia, arguably for the slightly eccentric, misunderstood, and surprising personalities. It's modern, but old-fashioned. It's almost dark, but not quite. It has a certain beauty to it. It's not sure who it is, and what it's place in the world is.



Ah, the classic black-and-white... it's dark, obscure, foreboding, somber. It can turn a normal city into Gotham City. There's no hope, no escape, no peace, no beauty.



And now, for the Dreamers, the Idealists, the Visionaries among you, I present the tungsten effect. It's Reality on Steroids, it's a manic episode, it's seeing colour in a drab world, it's smiling amidst tears, it's hearing music in a deathly silence.



I think I'm losing my mind..........................

Library of Congress Quotes

Yes, it's 4 in the morning and yes, I'm having trouble sleeping.

And as I can't think of anything better to do at this wee hour, I decided to post some of my favourite quotes I found on the walls of the Library of Congress.

"Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man."

"How charming is divine philosophy."

"Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers."

"Art is long and time is fleeting."

"They are never alone that are accompanied by noble thoughts."

Periwinkle

I feel like there's Beauty in the World again. And Colour. And Goodness. And Hope. Maybe there always is, to a certain extent, and I just so often fail to see it.

A few Vacation Pics

Here are a few favourite pictures from Washington, DC and New York City. :)


Here's Kat with her grocery-shopping-cart, which is very practical given the fact that she doesn't have a car.



We had to visit the Capitol Building, of course...



This would be the Washington Monument, at the end of the National (non-shopping) Mall.



This was taken in the Senator of South Dakota's office... one of Kat's friends works there, so we went by and had lunch in the Cafeteria under the Capitol Building where all the Senators and Representatives eat. I felt important. And I felt like screaming "bomb!" just to see what would happen.



Yup, you've got it... Hillary R. Clinton's office. Not that I'm necessarily a fan... it was just neat being able to peak into her office.



It's my favourite Nurse! :) Yup, my ER Nurse Sister... I'm super proud of her.



Our childhood best friends came to visit us, which was great. It's a miracle we're all alive, and not in prison.



The main room of the Library of Congress was outlined in paintings with clever quotes... I didn't know our country had such an intellectual humour. This was one of my favourites: "They are never alone that are accompanied with noble thoughts."



We went to NY City for the day... this was taken around 2 in the morning at Times Square. Craziness.



Mary Poppins! On Broadway! Life doesn't get much better than that.



Aww, sisters.



It's Mama L. Or Lady Liberty. Is that disrespectful?



New York from the Ferry. :)


I also took a million pictures at the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the National Gallery of Art... but I think I'll post those in a different post...

New glasses yeah yeah yeah

As requested... here's a photo of me with my lovely new red-brown glasses. :)


I think they're great - they're the perfect balance between terribly boring and utterly outrageous, which is what I am as well. Maurice, who helped me pick them out, thinks they say "Hi, I'm shy and lack self-confidence"... which... I'm not sure if I agree with or not, given the fact that he almost convinced me to get a pair of knall-green glasses. Red-brown is daring enough for me at this point in my life.

Why don't I live in Texas? Let me count the reasons...

... one of them being the conversation I just had with Mamita about Hurricane Ike evacuations on the Texas Gulf Coast.

Mary: "Mom, I've been hearing about Texans having to evacuate... is that only on the coast or are you guys having to evacuate too? What's going on?"
Mom: "No, we're fine. On the coast, it's a Level 4 storm, but in Austin it'll only be Level 2."
Mary: "Meaning there will be stormy tornado-like weather? Are you guys going to be ok?"
Mom: "The worst that could happen is that windows will be shattered and trees will be destroyed... we might have to take cover in the bathroom but I'm sure everything will be fine."
Mary: "Em..."

Seriously, folks. If you're having to lay in a bathtub with a mattress over yourself, to avoid injuries from shattered glass, then everything is NOT FINE. I hate bad weather.

Now the ultimate question... what's worse: bad weather or the Finanzamt*? Though if I were in Washington, DC, I wouldn't have to deal with either...


*the German Ministry of Finance

I hate being sick...

...and it's even worse when my Mom is on a different continent.

I realized how serious it'd become when a friend came by with some chicken soup and decided to help himself to the chocolate I had sitting on the counter. We talked for a while and it wasn't until after he left that I realized I hadn't eaten a single piece.

You know you're physically sick when you pass on afternoon chocolate.

And you know you're psychologically sick when you stop playing the piano.

And you know it's about time for the Employee Committment Survey at work when the boss is consistantly exaggeratedly nice.

And you know you need to get a life when all you do is read about Narnia and wonder if you could ever make it there yourself.

And you know... nah... there are some thing you simply can't know.

Lohnsteuererklaerungskacke 2007

So I got the information from my 2007 tax returns this week and I'm PEEVED. The government is expecting me to pay an additional 1,600 Euros in taxes. That's a crap load and it's ridiculous. For the first time in my life, I understand why people get married for tax breaks. I've started combing the list of people I know to see who I could ask to marry me (only on paper, of course, as there are currently no actual potentials). It's really not a bad idea when you think about it. I want to have the kind of marriage where we'll still be face-booking eachother 50 years later (cause we'll probably end up living in different countries), and when I ask myself why I decided to marry him, the timeless answer will be: to move to a more economical tax class. Now that's love.

I have to pay the money; there's no getting around it.

But don't worry, folks, I've started developing what I'd like to call my Sweet Unemployment Plan of Revenge on the Evil Socialist Government. Or the SUPRESG for short. Before leaving the country (which I'll probably inevitably eventually do), I'm going to quit my job, file unemployment, and live for a few years on unemployment money. I view my taxes for social welfare as a sort of short-term personal vacation fund. Look what socialism has done to me! It's turned this once-motivated and hard-working young lady into a ticked-off-coniving brat who's planning to sit on her butt for two years and do nothing just because she probably could. Seriously, though: the government is taxing my hard work for all it's worth so that other people who don't feel like working can bum around all day (believe me, this happens more often than you think). So, before I bail out, I'm going to get some of that money back, take a nice, long "vacation" and milk as much unemployment money from the government as possible. The government even pays rent when you're on a certain level of social welfare. Sign me up.

Maybe I'm extra peeved because I've been working sooo much this week. After working an average of 14-hour days this week, and then receiving a letter saying the government's taxing even more of my hard-earned money, I'm just having a hard time dealing.

Big Black Brass Band

Here's a clip of a brass street band in Dupont Circle (where Kat lives) in Washington, DC. They were fabulous live. :)

Back in the Land of Germans

Well, after 12,147 miles (19,549 kilometers), 7 US States, 2 art museums, 4 of my favourite Monet paintings, 1 Broadway Show, 10+ episodes of Arrested Development with Kat, 3 raspberry Margharitas made by Emita, 5 books*, 1 hand-made quilt from Mamita, 897.08 dollars worth of credit card bills, 3 Metro tickets (2 in DC and one in NY), multiple shopping trips**, 4 gorgeous antique-ish rings from Mamita, an encouraging talk with Kenny... *tries to think of more things she can count* ... I made it back, safe and sound and happy, to the Fatherland.

*Voyage of the Dawn Treader (Lewis), Die letzten Kinder von Schewenborn (Pausewang), Infidel (Ali), The Silver Chair (Lewis), Urlaub auf Saltkrokan (Lindgren)

**there's some stuff you simply can't find in Germany... like a bottle of 500 Ibuprofen tablets for a mere 9 USD. And I thought Amstelveen, Holland was the Cheap Drug Capital of the World.

Back in the US of A

As most of you know, I've made it back alive and well, this time with no Flight Drama. It's a miracle.

Kat picked me up at the airport on Monday evening, and we rode the Metro back to her appartment. :) On Tuesday, we took a tour of the Capitol Building and went to lunch at the underground House of Representatives cafeteria. It was freaking awesome. Then I saw Hillary Clinton's office... not that I necessarily agree with her views... it was all just so interesting. A friend of Kat's works for the South Dakota Senator, which is how we got in. :)

We also went to the Library of Congress... there wasn't that much open to the public there - just the main entrance area and one glassed-in study room that you had a sort of aerial view of. And then we stopped by the Native American Museum to see some of the beadwork they'd done. Lovely.

Yesterday, we got together with our childhood best friends, who currently live in Virginia. It was great seeing them again and reminiscing on our criminal past. :) I remember being completely devastated when they moved... but I guess it was for the best... if they had stayed in Texas, we probably would have ended up in a juvenile delinquent center. Or we would have brilliantly escaped from one. But as the mature grown-ups that we of course now are, we strolled through the Botanical Gardens, saw the National Archives* and then went to a Greek restaurant, all without destroying anything, manipulating anyone, or making idiots of ourselves. Fun times. I love you guys. :)

Today Katherine has to work, which is why I'm taking some time to write. I went to the National Gallery of Art earlier today and it was absolutely fascinating. They have two of my favourite Monet paintings there (I'm not sure whether they're part of the permanent collection or not) and I seriously started crying when I walked into the room. One of my favs is the Houses of Parliament at Sunset, which I ironically wrote about a while back. It's the first painting. :)

What really surprised me is the fact that the paintings weren't framed in glass... they were framed, of course, but it was all open - you could touch the canvas if you wanted (and if the security guards weren't watching).

Well, that's all for now...


*the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights being the most interesting

To pack or not to pack...

... that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against an empty suitcase."

Have I mentioned that I hate packing?

Tomorrow I'm leaving for the States! I still haven't grasped this simple fact... maybe because I'm used to only going home over Christmas. It's weird. I'll be in Washington, DC with Kat for a week, and then in Texas for a week. Kat's also going to fly to Texas, meaning my whole family will be together again! This is a rare occurence nowadays...

I always get in a weird mood before flying. When I was a kid, I used think things like, "When I grow up, I'm going to live in Europe and fly back and forth and bring my laptop on the plane. I'll be so cool." And now I'm sick of flying back and forth. After so much drama, flying has lost its romantic, exciting side, and it's a pain and I dread it and sometimes I feel like I'm walking into my own coffin. I need a private jet. Syd promised to build a landing pad on top of my appartment... I've already starting looking into jets on ebay.

Ok, back to packing...

... and tomorrow I see Kat! Sisters unite!

Advertising*, Coolant-Tears, Music and Names

I finally bought a new Canon camera, und zwar an IXUS 80. It's about time, given that I've worked there for almost 1.5 years now.


It's brown and beautiful. Like a shiny piece of expensive chocolate with little buttons that turn your life into a pretty sepia tone.

Today I was locked inside my garage with Scaramouche. We're talking a dark, 10x15 foot space with cobwebs and old tires and creepy noises. I swear, if I didn't think that certain people were so darn funny, we'd have major issues here. Poor Scaramouche was crying lonely coolant tears, and all I wanted to do was check on her.

I've also been playing the piano at church again... which is going against my Resolution not to put myself back into some sort of leadership position without first discussing it with people. But since (a) no one seems to care** and (b) I'm doing well*** then what the heck. I don't feel at all like I'm in the right position to be leading the music, but then again, if I waited until I reached a certain "spiritual level" or whatever, then I'd never do anything.

So...

On a different note, I'm thinking of asking people to call me "Maria" instead of "Mary." I'm sick of having to repeat or spell my name, and I'm sick of people assumuing I can't speak German as soon as they realize I'm a foreigner.

Maria Elisabeth. Now I just need a classic German last name... maybe Wagner? Or Schroeder. Or Beethoven. Or Adenauer. Or Goethe. Or Einstein.

Multiple identities! In the States I'd be "Mary Elizabeth Barber" and in Germany I'd be "Maria Elisabeth Mozart."

Tja, mal sehen. :)


*my boss should give me commission for this blog

**surely this is my false perception of the situation

***manic episodes are fun

Doctors and Fairy Dust

The only thing worse than going to the doctor is going to the doctor in a foreign country. Ok, not really... but it's pretty gruesome. The other morning, I had a doctor's appointment, and I couldn't help but laugh, the whole experience being so typical German.*

First of all, a little old man and a little old lady (complete strangers) got into a fight in the waiting room, which was completely ridiculous. Maybe if we were a little more polite (or chivalrous, perhaps?), such public arguments wouldn't be so common.

Then, after my appointment, as I was putting my shirt back on, the doctor rushed out and left the door wide open, allowing everyone in the waiting room to watch me change my clothes. Yes, I had a spaghetti-strapped-under-shirt on, but still. What about that little thing called privacy?

*shrugs her shoulders*

So I've had a slight "issue" for the past year or so, and I've been to the doctor here three times, and nothing he's suggested or prescribed is working. I think he's prescribing me sugar placebo pills. Or fairy dust. Or dragon tears. And nothing is happening. Which is why my Mom made me an appointment in August (when I'll be home) with a, em, real doctor.


*sorry, to my Dear German Readers... but that's just the way it is. :)

Hats are the new Cool

And pale is the new tan. I think Mariposa and I are going to start a new trend. Take that, Cosmopolitan. One month and we'll be on the cover.


I hope Mariposa doesn't kill me for posting this.

No.

Slowly but surely, I'm learning the art of saying "no." When someone asks me to do something, it's extremely difficult for me not to just drop everything and immediately help, whatever form of help that might be, and however inconvenient it might be for me. But I'm learning that it's impossible to make everyone happy, and that I can't do everything for everyone, and that I'm not responsible for solving everyone's problems. I'd love to be able to do that, but it's simply not possible. Thus the infamous "no."

Yup.

Indeed.

Disconnected indeed. As of yesterday, I have internet again... why? Because I *ahem* forgot to pay my telephone and internet bill. Which isn't that impressive given the fact that (1) I work in the Finance Department and (2) I'm the church accountant. Things like that make me wonder what else I've "verpennt."

Naja.

On the positive side, I've finished reading Reaching for the Invisible God by Yancey (recommended by a friend), which has helped me sort through some crap and has shed new light on a few Issues. Things are starting to make sense... that is, they're actually not making sense... I'm just learning for the Nth time that I can't understand everything and that I'm not God. How much longer is it going to take before I get it?

I've been feeling antsy lately, like something needs to change. That's dangerous. In the past, that feeling has led to changing schools, moving to foreign countries, or taking chocolate out of my diet.

Yancey wrote that Truth is extreme. It's neither "in the middle" nor at one extreme... it's BOTH extremes. At the same time. That's kind of how my life is at the moment. One moment I feel extremely happy, like I could conquer the world, but the next moment I want to drive my car into oncoming traffic. One moment I feel loved and understood (it's a weird feeling), but the next moment I think it's impossible for anyone to love or understand me. One moment I want to help everyone, be there for everyone, but the next moment I have to be alone. It's like internal manic episodes.

A friend celebrated her Birthday last Tuesday, which was fun. (I'm glad you decided to do something after all!) :) It was both weird and nice being in a group of girls my own age. I only have a couple girl friends my own age (though one is 3 years younger).

Last night was hilarious - I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Two friends were in Denmark on the Logos Hope for a couple of weeks, and they got back last night. And they brought a guy from Sri Lanka with them. Talk about butchered-ship-slang-English. I about died laughing.

The doorbell rang last night at about 20:30

Mary: "Who's there?"
Unknown Person: "Will you go to Denmark with us?"
Mary: "Of course!!"
Person: "Ok, let's go."
Mary: "I'm in my PJs, let me put some jeans on first."
Person: "So are you going to let us in the building, or should we wait outside?"
Mary: "Is it raining?"
Person: "Yeah."
*runs downstairs*
Mary: "I missed you."
Person: "I know."
Mary: "So when are we leaving?"
Person: "Can I have something to eat first?"
Mary: "Raspberry-blackberry yogurt?"

I have the weirdest conversations. But I think a few of us are going to drive to Denmark next Sunday... the Sri Lankan dude has to get back somehow, and now we have an excuse to make another roadtrip. :)

I've figured out why I'm so passive sometimes: because I hate making mistakes and hate hurting people. I'd rather do nothing than do the wrong thing. Though doing nothing is itself sometimes the wrong decision. Double jeopardy! Sometimes I can't do anything right.

The world is good. The world is fallen. The world can be redeemed. Life is kind of the same way, I think. Ah, the dichotomy of it all.

Disconnected?

So... I'm kind of freaking out because my phone isn't working and I wanted to call my Dad. I'm definitely unable to make phone calls, and I'm afraid that I'm also unable to receive calls. Strangely enough, the internet is working, meaning they haven't totally disconnected me.

Ok. I admit I pay my bills late almost every month... but do I really deserve this?

I just want to talk with my Dad! Nothing more, nothing less. :(

One possibility would be to run up the church phone bill by making international calls... I am the church accountant after all... so I could calculate a monthly average and then pay the difference in July. Desperate times call for desperate measures. :)

Anyway. Those who might try to reach me via the land line (Festnetz), you can forget it for the moment.

Slowww Motion

I feel like my life is moving in slow motion at the moment, which is odd because time has the tendency to fly. And I feel like an outside observer - watching myself move from one confusing situation into the next. It's weird. Like an amateur theater piece whose plot and characters I can control and influence to a certain extent.

Sometimes I kind of want out. And when I think about it, it wasn't even my decision to be here in the first place. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the wrong place. Or the wrong continent. Or the wrong century. Or the wrong planet. Or the wrong dimension. But that's a topic we'll leave for another day.

Dots and Lines

Which Monet painting do you like better? And why?






This is more important than some of you might think. Each painting represents a different path of life, a different set of decisions, a different manner of thinking, a different way of interacting with people. I think one of these paintings is going to be my "Theme" painting (usually I have a theme song or saying) in the next phase of life.

And now the burning question is which one.

Yup.

I need something tangible, something visible, something concrete. Like dots and lines from the 19th century.

Life.

*takes a two-week-or-so break to write other things*

What's one to do...?

I just want to be...


... I think the spaced- out- dreaming- slightly- emotional- romantic- in- the- unromantic- sense- idealist is somehow becoming stronger. And the fact that I'm not alone on this psyched- out- free- falling- wavelength doesn't help the situation. Or maybe it does. It depends.

I love the sea. I love when the sun's shining and you can float in the water. I love watching the waves when it's over-cast and windy. I love looking into the vast distance. I love racing bare-foot across the sand.

Sometimes there are moments in life you wish would never end.

I've had people tell me they can't imagine what Heaven would be like, wondering what they'll be doing for eternity, and whether or not it will be boring. I don't understand that kind of thinking. Though I'm the first to confess my own extreme pessimism, I also have to say that I've had enough (I can count them on one hand, probably) moments where I wished time would just freeze for eternity and I'd be happy.

La la la.

Ca-la-la-la-lais

This weekend was slightly out of control. To make a long story short, a friend and I decided Saturday morning to spontaneously drive to Calais, France. After making it through Belgium and France, my poor sweet Scaramouche freaked out at a gas station at 3:00 AM in Holland and wouldn't start.

Have any of you tried to sleep in a car at a gas station on the German-Dutch border? Not cool. Especially with a faint stench of brie in the car.

But at least the landscape was beautifully green, the windy picnic in the hills was lovely, and we got to splash around in the English Channel. Life doesn't get much better than that.

I'll post some pictures later... I think I'm going to go to bed now. Yay for sleeping in my own bed as opposed to a Volkswagen passenger seat.

House-hunting and Revenge and Strawberry Ice Cream

A decision has been made! I've decided to go with Letter C on the second question, meaning I'll be rolling in the dough in a couple of months. You don't believe me? Wait and see. Frau Barber the Money-Laundering Monster is about too have her revenge for the chauvenistic office crap she's been forced to deal with.

Which means... I'm going to have several million extra Euros floating around. So I've decided to purchase a house. A couple of weeks ago I was with my friend Penelope (hehe, you probably won't like that code name) in Krefeld and we found a couple of potential houses.


A pink mansion... what could be better? I think that if I lived there, I'd always be happy and sweet and summery. Like strawberries & cream ice cream. Maybe that's the answer to life's questions: eating strawbery ice cream on the front porch of your pink mansion and thinking happy thoughts.

No, seriously, I wouldn't really want to live in a mansion... it's too large, too "spiessig", and too much work.

We continued walking down the street and came across the cutest quaintest little cottage... now that's the type of house I'd seriously like to live in. But not in the middle of the city... in the middle of the country.

And I'd have a strawberry patch in the garden in the back. Is this not the most adorable little house?

Anyway...

Strawberries are sweet, but revenge is sweeter. Muahahaha.

Floating, Falling...

I feel like I'm wading in very dangerous water. It's like this: a while ago, I somehow got distracted while wandering down this winding path called Life and ended up standing on the side of a river.




I realized I had wandered from the path, but it looked safe enough until I faintly saw a sign in the distance. Instead of turning back to continue on the path, I made my way toward the sign, to discover "Deadly Current" written in hand-painted red letters. Again, instead of turning back, I decided to simply feel the water with my finger-tips. Nothing harmful, of course. And then I decided to cool my feet. Before I knew it I was wading. Now I'm standing in the water, feeling the current pull me further away from the riverbank, and wondering whether to throw myself in or to turn around. But is it too late to turn back? Would I even find the way back to the original path? Is there really a Point of No Return?

This picture was taken in Hollandia, by the way.

Work Vocabulary Test

Though I've been here a couple of years, I still have a ton to learn vocabulary-wise. Especially at work. Yes, I can speak German for the most part, but there are still quite a few words I've yet to learn.

Here are some words I've learned at work recently... just normal every day words.

der Rechtsverdreher: Lawyer

I always thought "Rechtsanwalt" was "lawyer", but was evidently wrong.

das Irrenhaus: company headquarters

der Henker: Boss

Doesn't "Chef" mean "Boss"? This was slightly confusing.

der Verdacht: suspicion

seine Pappenheimer kennen: to know your co-workers

abzocken: to rip off or screw

(I'm not going to even say in which context this was used.)

die Einzelwertberichtigung: bad debt

Yay for long German words.

willkuerlich: arbitrarily, at random, haphazardly

(This word should be non-existent in a Finance Department, if you ask me.)

Hopefully this'll give you a taste of what goes on at work. :)

20k!

Yup. Twenty-freaking-thousand. Plus a few more.

Hey people looking out the window...

... at the city below. Hey people looking out the window, you'll be gone tomorrow.



This is what Springtime looks like through the church window. Not that I was distracted by a Certain Someone during the sermon and was taking pictures. I've always liked huge open windows... especially stained glass ones in gothic cathedrals. My life, though, has more walls than windows... thick brick walls that no one understands or can break through. Nothing like pretty open sunshiny windows where you can feel the colours of Spring. Nope. Dark, towering walls that have taken years to build, and will probably take years to crumble, if at all. Yes, I love being dramatic. And I'm seriously doing wonderfully well (in the emotional sense). Otherwise I couldn't write this kind of stuff.

On a lighter note, I almost drove off the edge of a hill on a moped today. A friend has a new moped and wanted to teach me how to drive it, and I agreed to do so on the condition that he sit behind me and make sure I don't total it (or myself). After driving a few rounds, he told me to give it gas, and then he jumped off! I about had heart failure.

What's with guys saying one thing and doing another? Would someone please explain this to me?

On an even lighter note, I'm trying to learn metal piano. There's nothing like a metal band gone soft (think: Hello or Good Enough by Evanescence. Now THAT'S what I call a work of art).

Oh where, oh where, oh where to go?

Ok, it's time for a Blog Poll because the Blog seems to have taken a turn, and I'm not sure where we're headed in the future. And I'm not sure what my Dear Readers would prefer reading. So... some feedback from you all would be nice.

Please fill out the following questionnaire and return it to me by a strict deadline of your choice. Feel free to select multiple answers.

Mary and her Blog should:
(a) return to light-hearted writings about cultural and language issues, and every-day experiences in the foreign country that is Germany. Forget the psychological drama.
(b) focus more on the Psychological, as she's done in the past several blogs. The weirder, the better.
(c) come out of the closet with her poetry. The darker, the better.
(d) write whatever she feels like on any given day. Who cares?
(e) quit writing. Who reads this crap anyway?
(f) other: ______________________________________

Mary should:
(a) quit work to start a band and live in a van down by the river
(b) plan her vacation around meteor showers
(c) climb the corporate ladder, turn into a money-laundering monster, write a book about how she did it, and retire next year
(d) move to Fiji. Or Somalia. Or Macedonia
(e) go on Ritalin
(f) other: ______________________________________

Hello. Hello! Hello?

I've reached a new level of over-analysis. Over-complicating and over-analyzing even the simplest of things has always been one of my hobbies (or obsessions? or addictions?). As Syd once said, "Why Simple when it can be Complicated?" And I completely agree. Though I do have to admit that it's sometimes a complete waste of mental energy.

Nonetheless.

My newest Analysis Project consists of two little letters (well, one is capital) and an exclamation point. Who would have thought that my past would come back to haunt me in such a simple, unexpected, bizarre form? Not I. But then again, we all know that my life is anything but normal, tainted by a shadowed past and a recently-discoverered-self-constructed-walled-in present.

*crumble crumble crumble*

It's a mystery.

Life is a work in progress... or a work in destruction, depending on your current state and point of view.

At least I can joke about it - that's a huge step, and it proves that I can deal with stuff and move on. "Moving on" encompassing everything from the occasional psychological success to bailing out to a foreign country. Sometimes you just have to take a leap and pray you'll fly.

In the Sky with Diamonds...

Lately I've felt like I'm on a mixture of creative trip and energy high, and I can't explain it. Maybe it's the talking, or the writing, or the extra time, or Sebastian, or honesty, or the Music, or being understood to a certain extent.

A lot is going on, and quite a bit of it is rather draining... but then again, that's much different than drowning, which is what normally happens.

I also feel more free than ever before... like certain things aren't tying me down and suffocating me anymore...

... the wall is slowly crumbling, and it's a beautiful thing.

I think I'm paranoid. And complicated.

I feel understood. Really understood. It's a strange, good, terrifying, weird, relieved, creepy feeling and I don't know if I like it. I'm supposed to be misunderstood... complication is my claim to fame, after all.

I don't understand.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

To translate, "Mary's freaking out because certain people understand her to a certain extent and she's not used to it, and she feels like she's gone too far intellectually and emotionally. She wants to write about it on her blog cause it's a big deal to her, but she can't find the words to express it, so she generated random Latin text and posted that instead. She might even be losing her mind."

Am I weird?

I know where the Summer goes...

Could someone please tell me where the Summer is? Has she lost her way? Has she given up? Were the winter winds too strong?

I think I'll write a song about it...

The Past

It's coming back to haunt me! But that's ok because the present is both bright and manageable and the future is... em... I don't know yet.

As Beck would say, "Man weiss es nicht."

I think...

... that to truly experience/understand something, you have to have experienced/understood it's opposite as well.

... music is the ultimate form of expression. Words are an expression of the mind; melody is an expression of the soul; and rhythm is an expression of the heart. Music seems to be a combination of all three.

... that death is necessary for changes and new starts.

... that driving 219 km/h (136 mph) with a company Audi on the Autobahn is pretty darn cool.

... outward appearances are very deceiving, and we should be careful jumping to conclusions when it comes to people.

... black and white is sometimes more beautiful than colour.

... that certain issues like suicide and hate and depression and wrist-slitting and death and anorexia and darkness shouldn't be such taboo topics.

... that happy plastic Christian circles are super-dangerous.

... honesty is sometimes a life-and-death matter.

... that I'd like to have an antique black piano with candle holders.

... it's impossible to understand certain aspects of life and answer certain questions. The first step to sanity is accepting this impossibility, this limitation.

... I ought to re-read the Chronicles of Narnia.

... that my maturity is conversely related to my age.

... that one of the best feelings in the world is being understood.

... it'd be nice to have an older brother. I'm kind of everyone's big sister here, which is great, but sometimes I wish I had my own big brother (in the non-Orewellian sense). An older sister would be nice too... but for some reason I've always wanted an older brother.

I think the German Cops want me dead...

For some reason, I keep having run-ins with the German cops (Part I, Part II). Am I that corrupt of a citizen?

The other night around 23:45, I was riding my bicycle home, and the light was out - that is, I couldn't figure out how to turn it on. It's evidently illegal here to ride your bike at night without a light. And, of course, I ran into the cops on my way home. Again.

Cop: "Excuse me Miss, why isn't your light on?"
Mary: "I'm afraid it's broken."
Cop: "Then you're going to have to walk home, Miss."
Mary: "Walk home in the dark, pushing my bicycle?"
Cop: "Unless you want to pay a 10 Euro fine, that is."
Mary: "Fine, I'll walk home."

Seriously, folks - what's more dangerous: riding your bike a few blocks without a light or walking the streets alone at midnight? It was so ridiculous. So I walked about 20 feet, checked to make sure the cops were gone, got back on my bike, and rode home as fast as the cold, dark winter wind would carry me. And I think I'm going to buy a CD with the 10 Euros I saved. MUAH.

Picture Update

It's been a while since I posted pictures... so here are some lovely pics of my sisters and the youth. :)



First, the infamous Hartmann Sisters.


Here I am in the Center of the Universe with Mariposa... she'll be back in town in the summer, which I'm looking forward to. I think we're going to take over the world.


Here we are again... and notice my lovely new shoes. I actually wore them to work last Friday with a black business suit. Hehehe.


This was at a little pub in Moers... we girls wanted to take a picture, but a Certain Young Man kept getting in the way.


As you can see, we managed to take a picture anyway. :)


This picture is actually from last year... but it's terribly important because that's the evening I was inspired to learn to play the guitar. :)

Identity Crisis

If anyone thinks they've had or are having an identity crisis, please come and talk to me. We could start a club. An exclusive club. A club that defines our identities, thus solving the crisis. Tell me this isn't a brilliant idea.

Quite often I feel like things don't fit... I'm either too young (at work) or too old (at church), too mature or too immature, too American (here in Germany) or too German (in the States), too complicated, too analytical, too quiet, too introverted, too thin, too concerned or too apathetic, too girlie (pink's not the evil it once was) or too feministic (don't even get me started), too well-behaved or too corrupt, too knowledgeable (sometimes I know stuff I oughtn't) or too confused (ah, the unanswered questions)... and the list goes on.

Everything and nothing fits together perfectly imperfectly.

Seriously, though, I've been having a hard time knowing where to draw certain boundaries, and what my role and responsibility in certain situations is.

So what's a poor, confused girl to do? Other than write poetry and eat chocolate, that is.

Sweden, anyone?

I'm thinking of taking a trip to Sweden... maybe to the Malmö area. Anyone ever been there or have any suggestions?

Another lovely Day at Work

Well, today's just another Help! normal day at work I'm being held hostage in the lovely city of Krefeld against my will!. As most of you know I'm trapped we have our monthly bookclosing and can't escape!, which is going absolutely splendid, with no major problems. Just thought I need contact with the outside world! I'd give everyone an update.

If I didn't care about losing my job, I could write some rather amusing stories, *tee hee*.

Narnia and Formulas and... Something... (and laundry detergent)

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something... something critical, something interesting, something obvious, something lovely... Something. It's as if I'm seeing, but with blurred-black-and-white vision, or hearing, but only a limited, muffled range of tones, or breathing, but the air is thick and stale (ok, maybe it's cause I have a cold). I think a healthy dose of Narnian air, sword-fighting and dancing in the moonlight would help.

As funny as it may seem, though, I've learned quite a bit over the past several months by spending time in Narnia and the surrounding lands and seas, and from listening to the stories of Aslan, Peter the High King, Prince Caspian, and many others. Sometimes fantasy has more to do and say about real life than reality. You can read non-fiction, religious literature and Christian philosophy* all day long, but there's nothing like a nice, concrete metaphor to make sense of life.

I've decided to copy Don Miller and take the Stance Against Formulaic Pop Christian Thought. Life's not a list of formulas, methods, rights and wrongs. There are no concrete steps that, if followed, will have the expected results. No, life is more like a song or a poem, each person singing their own voice or writing their own lines... to be combined by the Author into a harmonious symphony or a brilliant poem. Which we will neither see nor understand until the end, of course. If at all.

Just thought I'd share... it took a journey through the bright, sweet lillied-waters at the World's End to realize this... so you guys had better take it to heart. :)

On a different note, my neighbors seem to think that I supply laundry detergent for the entire appartment, which has gotten to be rather annoying. I wanted to do laundry the other day and didn't even have enough detergent for a complete load. I'm thinking of mixing flour or cappuccino powder in with my detergent... or would that be too cruel?

See, if I were a Narnian Dryad, I wouldn't even have to do trivial things such as laundry.


*not to bash Christian philosophy... certain readings have helped tremendously... it's just that it can all be so pompous and theoretical sometimes.

I'll write you a Song, my Dear

There's seriously almost nothing in the world I'd rather do than play the piano. This weekend, everyone ended up in the Center of the Universe, and a few of us spent literally hours at the piano - playing, composing and singing. It was absolutely beautiful.

In life, there are sometimes moments that you wish would never end, and I think that was one of them. Bizarro Mom always says that I live from "Luft und Liebe" (meaning "air and love")... but I'd argue that I live from music as well, in a way.

There's some killer talent at our church... a couple of us are even working on some of our own pieces and such. And working in a group can sometimes be even more inspiring (and fun). The only thing that was missing was Syd, but despite the fact that we miss him, he's doing the right thing (though some might argue that he ought to become a philosopher as opposed to an engineer).

The International Melting Pot That Is Headquarters

One of the funniest things is meeting people you've written and telephoned with, but have never actually met or seen in Real Life. You have certain ideas of who they are, how they look, and how they carry themselves... which are often quite incorrect. I e-mail and talk with several colleagues from Headquarters on a regular basis, and had the pleasure of meeting them live and in person for the first time this week. I also had no idea which nationality they were (sometimes you can't tell by the name), so that was interesting finding out as well.

So...

... I've worked with people from the following countries this week:

Holland

Germany

Spain

Portugal

Japan

Macedonia

Indonesia

Pakistan

England

Turkey

At other times I've worked with people from:

Norway

Sweden

Finland

Austria

Switzerland

Belgium

France

Greece

Italy

Australia

China

South Africa*

Brazil*

Taiwan*

America*

Our Headquarters is seriously a cultural melting pot, which is great. And of course everyone speaks in a butchered English (sometimes I do too!), but at least we understand eachother for the most part. I've also realized that people tend to understand me better when I put on a fake British accent. Maybe it's because they all learn British English in this part of the world.


*back in the BenQ Siemens Days.

Back to Holland (or, the Chivalry Soapbox)

Beck and I are going to be in Holland again this coming week kicking some major business butt. So, if I don't answer the phone or the door, then that's why. This time Marketing Guy won't be there *sniff* but it'll still be fun.

Which reminds me that I wanted to spend a few minutes on the Chivalry Soapbox.

Chivalry is almost completely dead, which I didn't realize until spending a week in Holland with Marketing Guy. Sometimes you have to experience something good to realize that something's lacking. The opposite is of course true as well.

Anyway... at first I thought the door-opening and the letting-the-ladies-go-first and the walking-on-the-side-of-the-street and the helping-with-the-jackets was coincidental, so I decided to put it to the test. I probably shouldn't test people like that, but it's kind of irresistably interesting sometimes. And he passed with flying colours.

First, a background story: I wasn't always pro-chivalry... as a matter of fact, I was a rabid little feminist girl at one point. It started around the 5th grade, with a very polite young man at our church who was a couple of years older than me, and who always made it a point open the doors for the ladies. We had huge double doors at our church, and one Sunday morning as I approached the doors, he rushed in front of me to open the door for me. Any nice, normal little girl would have smiled and thanked him politely, but not me. I looked him square in the eyes, walked to the other door, opened it myself, and walked into the building. For whatever reason, I concluded that his gesture was unecessary, that I was perfectly capable myself, and that this ought to be made clear to him. Of course my parents didn't approve when they found out later, and we had a nice long talk which resulted in me apologizing to him (though I didn't mean it at the time).

As I've gotten older, however, I've realized and come to terms with the fact that men and women are different, that this is ok, and that this is even the way things are supposed to be.

A certain realization helped me come to terms with this... but that's a topic for another day.

I think it's unfortunate that chilvalry is dying out, though I can't pinpoint exactly why I think it's unfortunate. Which is also unfortunate. Maybe because it shows a certain respect which is often lacking in our society. Maybe because we should be embracing and enjoying differences instead of trying to deny them. Maybe because it's actually more freeing for women to be treated well.

Sometimes I feel that though we, as women, have gained a certain amount of equality (though we're still far from equal), we've sacrificed much of our dignity and respect. It was a sort of sorry trade-off, in a way. I don't want guys treating me like "one of the guys" or as a complete equal. I don't want guys to feel free to discuss any topic or make any joke in my presence. But I do want to be treated slightly differently - and respectfully.

And two weeks ago in Holland, things somehow fit together in a weird way. Whenever the door was opened for us, or whenever I was encouraged to move to the front of the line, I felt like I was being told, "We're different, but that's a good thing, and instead of denying it or ignoring it or making fun of it, it's something I respect. After you."


***IMPORTANT NOTE***

I'm not saying that any of the men or young men I know are impolite or bad-mannered in any way. It's just that this one particular young man was so very consistantly and noticeably polite and helpful, and thus made me realize that chivalry as a whole is practically non-existent.

***END OF IMPORTANT NOTE***


If anyone's interested, Ms. Barber's Refined School of Chivalrous Manners is now accepting applications for the Fall Semester.

I think that's enough for today.

*steps off the Soapbox*

Fab Four

Some pictures we took over Christmas have finally been uploaded... this year, for whatever reason, we didn't take as many pics as usual. Oh well.







I love my chicas. We're all sisters, and all within a couple of years from eachother age-wise, but we're all so different - from personalities to interests to ways of thinking to looks.

And now only half of us are in Texas, we all have different goals, we all kind of have our own lives, and growing up is just plain weird.

To dye or not to dye...

... that is the question.

I'm considering dying my hair black, like Duchess Ravenwaves.

One test-strand is already black (kind of like that blonde streak I had back in the day when Kat dyed her hair blonde)... and I kind of like it. Now the question is whether or not I should go all black.

Thoughts?

Beck thinks it'd be too much because my skin is fairly pale, and maybe she's right. But then again, maybe black is the new blonde, and maybe pale is the new tan. My Japanese boss has jet black hair and pale skin... though I wouldn't quite call him a fashion guru.

Work and Life and Ranting and Raving and Smiling

Sometimes people at work don't seem to understand that I have a private life, and that I sometimes have things to do outside of work. And sometimes other people (non-work) don't understand the extent to which I work, the challenges I deal with at work, and the toll it sometimes takes on me.

So, basically, since I'm the only one with the Big Picture here, I guess I'm the only one who can make my own decisions and set my own priorities, which I've been doing: both at work and outside.

The other day was rather frustrating - I had quite a bit to do, things to take care of, and expectations to meet. And certain people* were making me feel an immense pressure. A month ago, I would have literally cried my eyes out. But now? I'm slightly annoyed. Nothing less, nothing more. And because it's all not do-able anyway, what did I do? I pulled the plug on the phone, turned off the computer, put on some comfy PJs and read a book.

Last year, I felt frustrated and trampled on and used up and tired and sad for 8 out of 12 months. And I'm not playing that game anymore. I lived in Survival Mode for way too long, and now it's the end.

Anyway. It was a nice evening.

And I'm slowly feeling sane again.

Which was one of the 2008 Goals.

*check*


*it was no one who reads this blog, and no one who's directly related to someone who reads this blog

Heavenly Chorus?

The other night as I was laying in bed, about to drift off into wherever it is we drift when we sleep, I was awoken by a Heavenly Choir. At first, the singing was rather faint, but with each second it grew louder and more clear.

As I lay there, I knew it was the end of the world, and I somehow took comfort in that supposed fact.

The Choir was singing in German, which surprised me... I somehow expected Heavenly Choirs to sing in Latin or in Aramaic or in Tongues. But German? Though theoretically, by definition, they could have been singing in Tonuges, and I happened to understand it as German.

Anyway.

As I was pondering and enjoying the Chorus and waiting to somehow float up into space, I was surprised to suddenly hear them go fuzzy. And then they got a little more quiet, and then fuzzier, and then they stopped alltogether and I heard a booming voice announcing the weather.

I sat up in bed, thought for a minute, and realized with disappointment that my neighbor had his television on and had evidently just changed the channel.

Yeah... sometimes some of the screws are slightly lose... especially in that lovely stage between wake and sleep.

Annoying neighbor. Turn your stupid television off.

Oh, say, can you see...

Is this not the best picture*?


My sister Kat moved to Washington, DC a couple of weeks ago, and as you can see, she's had some free time on her hands before starting work this Monday.

For my Dear German Readers, yes, as most of you have learned in your English classes over the years, that's the US Capitol. And yes, you can evidently frolic on the front lawn if you feel like it (and if you have a frisbee, and if the country isn't on Red Alert).

That's my Kat.

I'm super-proud of her - she's aced her nursing board exams and will start working at the hospital ER this week. If anyone has the right personality and people-skills to work in such an environment, it's her. She's always been relatively calm and collected. And she stays under control, thinks clearly, and can make wise decisions in high-stress situations.

Sometimes I wonder if we're really related. Ha.

Like I said, I'm really proud of her, and am excited to hear about how things work out for her. Yay Kat. :)


*photo courtesy of Kara Payne

Concert Withdrawals

So... I learned today that Matchbox20 is doing a so-called "Winter 2008 Tour" (link-a-link). And who else but Alanis Morissette herself will be touring with them??? And not only is Alanis touring, but MUTEMATH (my newest band obsesssion) will be touring with them as well. I about had a heart-attack when I read it.

I'm actually considering, em, flying back to see them (yes, it's an admitted sickness)... they're in Texas on the 28th and 29th of February... which would be a month from today.

Can someone explain to me why I'm here? And why Alanis and MUTEMATH are touring together? In Texas? Two hours away from my parent's house? Can someone please explain this to me?

And Rob Thomas isn't too shabby, either.

Seriously, if any of my Dear American Readers have the opportunity to go to this concert, go. I'll be forever jealous, but that's ok.

I guess singing with Scaramouche on the way to and from Krefeld will have to do for the time being.

Unless I find a cheap flight.

Hollandia Report

We really had a great week in Holland... my team of co-workers knows how to work hard and how to play hard, and let me tell you: we did both.

We worked pretty long hours (long hours for a seminar, that is), but accomplished quite a bit. There were certain Target Values we had to calculate and generate with the new system, and we managed to manipulate the system to hit it right on the cent. It was a beautiful moment.

For the first three days of the seminar, I managed to keep my identity hidden: everyone (except my German co-workers, of course) assumed I was a German. As an American, there are certain stereotypes people have of me, and I simply didn't want to deal with those this week. I've also noticed that people's view of me often changes when they figure out where I'm from. So. Other than our team and a few Austrians, there were no native German speakers. And other than two or three Brits, there were no native English speakers. Which means I effortlessly had everyone believing I was a German.

Until we went out for Japanese food one evening... which was for me, in a way, a coming-out party. In a cultural identity sense, of course. I don't remember what prompted the comment, but for some reason, I made the statement that I'm an American. Our Japanese colleague from "Inc" (so he's one of the top guys) was completely baffled and didn't know what to do with that piece of information.

Mr. Inc: "Ahhh you American? But you born in Germany, yes?"
Mary: "No... I was born in America. I'm definitely an American."
Mr. Inc: *stares at me* "Ahhh...so you Father is American?"
Mary: "Yes..."
Mr. Inc: *thinks long and hard* "And you Mother is American?"
Mary: "Yes, both my parents are Americans. I'm an American. I have sisters who are Americans. They live in America. I'm the weird one who lives in a foreign country, which happens to be Germany."
Mr. Inc: *scratches his head* "Ahhh... so you not German... so you real American."
Mary: "Yes, a real, American-born American. With an American citizenship and passport and credit card. The only thing German about me is my freaking driver's license."

And then came the Comment of the Evening:

Mr. Inc: "Ahhh... you were so quiet at the beginning of the seminar and you were only speaking German... I thought it was because you could not speak English."

At this point, Marketing Guy and I were laughing so hard, we almost spit Green Tea and raw fish all over the table.

*switches topics*

One thing that's great about Holland is the medication: not only is it cheap, but you can buy it everywhere. It's like in the States, except with a few more options thrown into the general mix. One lunch break we decided to drive to the local grocery store. I loaded up on Vla (a special kind of pudding), Dr. Pepper (yup, this is for you, Mariposa), and Ibuprofen. And at half the price? Stock me up.

All and all, it was a great week. I learned a ton, got to know my co-workers better, got to make some connections with some European Headquarter and Inc people, started reading yet another book, and laughed way more than usual.

Amstelveen, watch out!

Beck and I are going to be in Amstelveen, Holland on business this coming week... so please direct all calls and e-mails to my secretary while I'm out. Wait... I am the secretary. It's my second job. Which is why it took quite a bit of convincing and threatening before our boss decided to let both of us go.

But it only makes sense.

Germans tend to be rather private people. They have their "work life" and their "private life" and those spheres rarely overlap. In the business world, you rarely "talk privately" with co-workers... it's only the few and far between who know anything that goes on in your "private life."

Which is why I feel like my relationship with a certain co-worker, Marketing Guy, is moving wayyy too fast. As he's driving with me and Beck to Holland this week, I gave him, upon request, my cell phone number and my address (so they can pick me up). And now I feel weird, like he knows too much. He's nice and clever and hilarious and all. But all that needs to stay at work.

I guess I'm kind of trapped in the mentality here.

Or maybe I still have issues because of Stalker Boy.

Or maybe I just have issues.

Hmm.

Bad Cop! No Donut! (Part II)

So... I got pulled over today for running a pink light (ok, maybe it was a little closer to a deep-magenta-rose). I considered showing the cops my Texas license, hoping to confuse them and avoid paying a fine... but then I remembered that I'm technically not even supposed to have my Texas license. Which I of course don't have. And which I of course didn't illegally obtain last Christmas because the American authorities have no clue. It's all about being a respectable, law-abiding German citizen here.

German cops are ogres in green suits with toy guns. And they drive matching green MINI VANS!

Not only do I have to pay a ridiculous fine, but I have 3 points. Ah, the lovely German traffic violation point system. With five points, I think you win a teddy bear... and with ten points, you win a new CD-player for your car. At 13 points your license is unfortunately taken away, and you have to return the teddy bear and the CD-player.

Now it's going to be even more difficult to avoid speeding and running red lights and stop signs because I have to rush to work to put in more overtime hours to pay stupid traffic fines.

My life is a freaking circle of death.

Work (or, I think I'll stay for a little while longer if I can...)

Work is hilarious and out of control and challenging and fun and weird and frustrating and crazy and other adjectives I oughn't use. And if I expound I could risk losing my job prematurely.

So... we'll leave it at that.

A surprising number of people have asked me lately if I plan on staying in Germany (I must be giving off weird vibes)... so I thought I'd give everyone a little update. I'd originally had three years in the back of my mind. Siemens gave me a three-year Visa, so I thought I'd stay for that period of time and then re-evaluate things.

Right now I'm at about the 2.25 year mark.

My contract at Canon expires in June 2008, but my living permit expires well before then - April 2008, if I recall correctly. Which means I need to know around February or so whether or not they're going to extend my contract so that I can take the necessary steps to renew my living permit (or not).

If I'm offered an extended contract, I think I'd sign it. I wouldn't sign it in blood, but I'd sign it. If I'm not offered an extended contract, then I think I'd try to move to DC where Kat is. Or maybe Fiji. Or Somewhere Else.

Man weiss es nicht.

But I think I'd like to stay here for a little while longer.

Here comes the Sun...

It's amazing what a series of intense conversations (in English!) with my Dad can do. The past several months have been rather trying for me, and being home over Christmas and having time to sit and talk things through with my Dad was definitely what I needed.

He and I think very much alike, and he's dealt with a lot of the same crap that I'm having to currently deal with. So, though there are rarely simple and immediate answers and solutions (if at all), at least I know that I'm not alone here and there's someone out there who cares and understands. It's not that others don't - it's just that Dad has always played a very special and important role in this crazy thing called My Life.

I almost even feel good now. For the first time in a long time. It's a nice, weird feeling.