Monday, April 28, 2008


Yup. Twenty-freaking-thousand. Plus a few more.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Hey people looking out the window...

... at the city below. Hey people looking out the window, you'll be gone tomorrow.

This is what Springtime looks like through the church window. Not that I was distracted by a Certain Someone during the sermon and was taking pictures. I've always liked huge open windows... especially stained glass ones in gothic cathedrals. My life, though, has more walls than windows... thick brick walls that no one understands or can break through. Nothing like pretty open sunshiny windows where you can feel the colours of Spring. Nope. Dark, towering walls that have taken years to build, and will probably take years to crumble, if at all. Yes, I love being dramatic. And I'm seriously doing wonderfully well (in the emotional sense). Otherwise I couldn't write this kind of stuff.

On a lighter note, I almost drove off the edge of a hill on a moped today. A friend has a new moped and wanted to teach me how to drive it, and I agreed to do so on the condition that he sit behind me and make sure I don't total it (or myself). After driving a few rounds, he told me to give it gas, and then he jumped off! I about had heart failure.

What's with guys saying one thing and doing another? Would someone please explain this to me?

On an even lighter note, I'm trying to learn metal piano. There's nothing like a metal band gone soft (think: Hello or Good Enough by Evanescence. Now THAT'S what I call a work of art).

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Oh where, oh where, oh where to go?

Ok, it's time for a Blog Poll because the Blog seems to have taken a turn, and I'm not sure where we're headed in the future. And I'm not sure what my Dear Readers would prefer reading. So... some feedback from you all would be nice.

Please fill out the following questionnaire and return it to me by a strict deadline of your choice. Feel free to select multiple answers.

Mary and her Blog should:
(a) return to light-hearted writings about cultural and language issues, and every-day experiences in the foreign country that is Germany. Forget the psychological drama.
(b) focus more on the Psychological, as she's done in the past several blogs. The weirder, the better.
(c) come out of the closet with her poetry. The darker, the better.
(d) write whatever she feels like on any given day. Who cares?
(e) quit writing. Who reads this crap anyway?
(f) other: ______________________________________

Mary should:
(a) quit work to start a band and live in a van down by the river
(b) plan her vacation around meteor showers
(c) climb the corporate ladder, turn into a money-laundering monster, write a book about how she did it, and retire next year
(d) move to Fiji. Or Somalia. Or Macedonia
(e) go on Ritalin
(f) other: ______________________________________

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Hello. Hello! Hello?

I've reached a new level of over-analysis. Over-complicating and over-analyzing even the simplest of things has always been one of my hobbies (or obsessions? or addictions?). As Syd once said, "Why Simple when it can be Complicated?" And I completely agree. Though I do have to admit that it's sometimes a complete waste of mental energy.


My newest Analysis Project consists of two little letters (well, one is capital) and an exclamation point. Who would have thought that my past would come back to haunt me in such a simple, unexpected, bizarre form? Not I. But then again, we all know that my life is anything but normal, tainted by a shadowed past and a recently-discoverered-self-constructed-walled-in present.

*crumble crumble crumble*

It's a mystery.

Life is a work in progress... or a work in destruction, depending on your current state and point of view.

At least I can joke about it - that's a huge step, and it proves that I can deal with stuff and move on. "Moving on" encompassing everything from the occasional psychological success to bailing out to a foreign country. Sometimes you just have to take a leap and pray you'll fly.

Monday, April 14, 2008

In the Sky with Diamonds...

Lately I've felt like I'm on a mixture of creative trip and energy high, and I can't explain it. Maybe it's the talking, or the writing, or the extra time, or Sebastian, or honesty, or the Music, or being understood to a certain extent.

A lot is going on, and quite a bit of it is rather draining... but then again, that's much different than drowning, which is what normally happens.

I also feel more free than ever before... like certain things aren't tying me down and suffocating me anymore...

... the wall is slowly crumbling, and it's a beautiful thing.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

I think I'm paranoid. And complicated.

I feel understood. Really understood. It's a strange, good, terrifying, weird, relieved, creepy feeling and I don't know if I like it. I'm supposed to be misunderstood... complication is my claim to fame, after all.

I don't understand.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

To translate, "Mary's freaking out because certain people understand her to a certain extent and she's not used to it, and she feels like she's gone too far intellectually and emotionally. She wants to write about it on her blog cause it's a big deal to her, but she can't find the words to express it, so she generated random Latin text and posted that instead. She might even be losing her mind."

Am I weird?

Saturday, April 05, 2008

I know where the Summer goes...

Could someone please tell me where the Summer is? Has she lost her way? Has she given up? Were the winter winds too strong?

I think I'll write a song about it...

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

The Past

It's coming back to haunt me! But that's ok because the present is both bright and manageable and the future is... em... I don't know yet.

As Beck would say, "Man weiss es nicht."