Saturday, March 29, 2008

I think...

... that to truly experience/understand something, you have to have experienced/understood it's opposite as well.

... music is the ultimate form of expression. Words are an expression of the mind; melody is an expression of the soul; and rhythm is an expression of the heart. Music seems to be a combination of all three.

... that death is necessary for changes and new starts.

... that driving 219 km/h (136 mph) with a company Audi on the Autobahn is pretty darn cool.

... outward appearances are very deceiving, and we should be careful jumping to conclusions when it comes to people.

... black and white is sometimes more beautiful than colour.

... that certain issues like suicide and hate and depression and wrist-slitting and death and anorexia and darkness shouldn't be such taboo topics.

... that happy plastic Christian circles are super-dangerous.

... honesty is sometimes a life-and-death matter.

... that I'd like to have an antique black piano with candle holders.

... it's impossible to understand certain aspects of life and answer certain questions. The first step to sanity is accepting this impossibility, this limitation.

... I ought to re-read the Chronicles of Narnia.

... that my maturity is conversely related to my age.

... that one of the best feelings in the world is being understood.

... it'd be nice to have an older brother. I'm kind of everyone's big sister here, which is great, but sometimes I wish I had my own big brother (in the non-Orewellian sense). An older sister would be nice too... but for some reason I've always wanted an older brother.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

I think the German Cops want me dead...

For some reason, I keep having run-ins with the German cops (Part I, Part II). Am I that corrupt of a citizen?

The other night around 23:45, I was riding my bicycle home, and the light was out - that is, I couldn't figure out how to turn it on. It's evidently illegal here to ride your bike at night without a light. And, of course, I ran into the cops on my way home. Again.

Cop: "Excuse me Miss, why isn't your light on?"
Mary: "I'm afraid it's broken."
Cop: "Then you're going to have to walk home, Miss."
Mary: "Walk home in the dark, pushing my bicycle?"
Cop: "Unless you want to pay a 10 Euro fine, that is."
Mary: "Fine, I'll walk home."

Seriously, folks - what's more dangerous: riding your bike a few blocks without a light or walking the streets alone at midnight? It was so ridiculous. So I walked about 20 feet, checked to make sure the cops were gone, got back on my bike, and rode home as fast as the cold, dark winter wind would carry me. And I think I'm going to buy a CD with the 10 Euros I saved. MUAH.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Picture Update

It's been a while since I posted pictures... so here are some lovely pics of my sisters and the youth. :)

First, the infamous Hartmann Sisters.

Here I am in the Center of the Universe with Mariposa... she'll be back in town in the summer, which I'm looking forward to. I think we're going to take over the world.

Here we are again... and notice my lovely new shoes. I actually wore them to work last Friday with a black business suit. Hehehe.

This was at a little pub in Moers... we girls wanted to take a picture, but a Certain Young Man kept getting in the way.

As you can see, we managed to take a picture anyway. :)

This picture is actually from last year... but it's terribly important because that's the evening I was inspired to learn to play the guitar. :)

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Identity Crisis

If anyone thinks they've had or are having an identity crisis, please come and talk to me. We could start a club. An exclusive club. A club that defines our identities, thus solving the crisis. Tell me this isn't a brilliant idea.

Quite often I feel like things don't fit... I'm either too young (at work) or too old (at church), too mature or too immature, too American (here in Germany) or too German (in the States), too complicated, too analytical, too quiet, too introverted, too thin, too concerned or too apathetic, too girlie (pink's not the evil it once was) or too feministic (don't even get me started), too well-behaved or too corrupt, too knowledgeable (sometimes I know stuff I oughtn't) or too confused (ah, the unanswered questions)... and the list goes on.

Everything and nothing fits together perfectly imperfectly.

Seriously, though, I've been having a hard time knowing where to draw certain boundaries, and what my role and responsibility in certain situations is.

So what's a poor, confused girl to do? Other than write poetry and eat chocolate, that is.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Sweden, anyone?

I'm thinking of taking a trip to Sweden... maybe to the Malmö area. Anyone ever been there or have any suggestions?

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Another lovely Day at Work

Well, today's just another Help! normal day at work I'm being held hostage in the lovely city of Krefeld against my will!. As most of you know I'm trapped we have our monthly bookclosing and can't escape!, which is going absolutely splendid, with no major problems. Just thought I need contact with the outside world! I'd give everyone an update.

If I didn't care about losing my job, I could write some rather amusing stories, *tee hee*.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Narnia and Formulas and... Something... (and laundry detergent)

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something... something critical, something interesting, something obvious, something lovely... Something. It's as if I'm seeing, but with blurred-black-and-white vision, or hearing, but only a limited, muffled range of tones, or breathing, but the air is thick and stale (ok, maybe it's cause I have a cold). I think a healthy dose of Narnian air, sword-fighting and dancing in the moonlight would help.

As funny as it may seem, though, I've learned quite a bit over the past several months by spending time in Narnia and the surrounding lands and seas, and from listening to the stories of Aslan, Peter the High King, Prince Caspian, and many others. Sometimes fantasy has more to do and say about real life than reality. You can read non-fiction, religious literature and Christian philosophy* all day long, but there's nothing like a nice, concrete metaphor to make sense of life.

I've decided to copy Don Miller and take the Stance Against Formulaic Pop Christian Thought. Life's not a list of formulas, methods, rights and wrongs. There are no concrete steps that, if followed, will have the expected results. No, life is more like a song or a poem, each person singing their own voice or writing their own lines... to be combined by the Author into a harmonious symphony or a brilliant poem. Which we will neither see nor understand until the end, of course. If at all.

Just thought I'd share... it took a journey through the bright, sweet lillied-waters at the World's End to realize this... so you guys had better take it to heart. :)

On a different note, my neighbors seem to think that I supply laundry detergent for the entire appartment, which has gotten to be rather annoying. I wanted to do laundry the other day and didn't even have enough detergent for a complete load. I'm thinking of mixing flour or cappuccino powder in with my detergent... or would that be too cruel?

See, if I were a Narnian Dryad, I wouldn't even have to do trivial things such as laundry.

*not to bash Christian philosophy... certain readings have helped tremendously... it's just that it can all be so pompous and theoretical sometimes.