The Translation Project (Ladies - let this be a warning!)

Living in a foreign country, I often find myself having to translate from one language into another. In the past years, however, German is not the only foreign language I've had to learn... recent discoveries have shown that men speak quite a different language than women. This means I have to not only translate from German into English or vice versa, but from Man-German to Woman-German to Woman-English. Or from Man-English to Woman-English. And let me tell you, folks, it's complicated.

I tend to think that men deliberately lie and manpulate, though I'm not quite sure this is correct. Maybe they simply speak a different language. Or maybe they actually mean what they say at the time they say it. You never know.

Anyway, for all you ladies out there, here is a list of things that guys have actually said to me in my life. And then there's the translation, which I unfortunately didn't realize until post-facto, after the rather fatal mistake of allowing myself to get in too deep.

Oh, no, I'm not bitter at all. Just slightly aggravated by my own idiocy in trusting and believing *ahem* certain people... and believe me, it's not going to happen again.

"I'll wait for you, no matter how long." = "I'll wait for you for a week or two."

"I'll wait for you, you're the only one I can imagine being with." = "I'll wait for you until I meet someone new."

"I'm not like other guys." = "I want you to believe that I'm not like other guys."

"You look beautiful, as always." = "I want to sleep with you."

"I love you." = "I want to sleep with you."

"I love you." = "Hmm, this silence is awkward and anything else I say might be wrong."

"I love you." = "Please don't be mad at me."

"I love you." = "I think I love you at this particular moment, but I might change my mind tomorrow."

"You're the one I've been looking for my entire life." = "I like you pretty much, but I think I'll still keep looking."

"I never want to lose you." = "Please don't break up with me... if anyone initiates a break-up, it's going to be me."

"I can't imagine being without you." = "My friends are out of town and there's nothing good on tv."

"You're the most important person in my life." = "You're the most important person other than myself. And the next girl who comes along and is slightly more interesting and pretty. And my friends. And a few other people, but you really are fairly important. Really."

"I'll call you tomorrow evening." = "I might call you at some random point in the next month or so."

"What YOU want is the most important thing." = "What YOU want is pretty important, unless it coincides with what I want."

"I want to travel the world with you." = "I'm kind of bored today."

"I wrote this song/poem/whatever for you." = "Look how brilliant I am. Is it any good? Will the next girl like it too?"

"We should elope..." = "I'm really bored."

"We should elope..." = "I want to sleep with you."

"We should elope..." = "I don't have money for a wedding... I spent it all on alcohol and video games."

"Let's meet in Chicago - I have to see you." = "I want to sleep with you."

"You can trust me." = "I'm going to manipulate you."

"I'd never lie to you." = "I'm lying to you as we speak."

"I'll give you everything." = "I'll give you almost everything, but I might take it all back tomorrow."

"I'll come back for you... I'll find you no matter what." = "I'll come back for you unless I meet someone else and forget you."

There you have it. :) To any guys reading this, if you're offended, then I'm kind of sorry. Yes, you read correctly - only kind of. :) Maybe this will encourage you to re-consider before you say or promise something you haven't thoroughly thought through.

Truth is confusing...

I was thinking about Truth the other day, and came to the conclusion (not that I personally define truth) that it's something eternal, or at least I hope it is... otherwise I might as well throw myself into the Rhine.

Truth must be eternal in the sense that it's neither time- nor emotion- nor personal-philosophy- nor situation-dependent. It's true no matter who you are, no matter where you are, and no matter what you are thinking and feeling.

Is something true if I think I can prove it? If a genius can supposedly prove it? If it makes sense? Is something a lie if the speaker is ignorant? If the speaker is careless? If the speaker means what's said at the time, but regrets it later? That is, can Truth turn into a lie?

*shrugs her shoulders*

Verdammt. I chose the wrong painting.

Ah, a revelation has struck... do you guys remember when I was trying to make a decision about which painting to choose? Well, folks, I chose the wrong painting last June, which rather unfortunately resulted in the following painting:




And now, in a way, I'm at the cross-roads again, and still don't know what's right and what's wrong, or even what I want for that matter.* On the bright side, however, there are a few things I know I don't want, and people I don't particularly want to see, and I'm not afraid to say so, and to say no.

*But I do know one thing: plaid pink and white is pretty darn cute.

Hmm.

For some reason, I can't seem to get anything done this year, including updating my blog. I actually wanted the next post to include pictures from Emita's wedding, but for some reason it's difficult to get them downloaded from the camera and uploaded into the net. Just like I can't seem to empty my mailbox (Bizarro Mom gets pretty upset about this) or turn in my tax forms or mop the floors or go grocery shopping.

Sometimes, however, there are simply more important things... such as remodeling, glittery-purple suits of armour, trying to live in denial, taking walks along the autobahn at 3 AM, and avoiding people.

Like you all know, it's been a rough year, and I'm still recovering from certain aspects of it, but all in all things are getting better. I've gone from bawling every day to wanting to hire a hit-man (which I still wouldn't mind doing) to attempting to find some balanced middle ground. It's tough sometimes, and all-too-often I desperately want out, but what's one to do? On a somewhat serious note (sorry in advance if this offends someone), I decided when I was 15 or 16 not to ever commit suicide, no matter how hard things get. Sometimes I think that was one of the best decisions I've made, and sometimes I think it was one of the worst. But it was a deicision, and a right decision at that, so we'll stick with it.

Change of topic: does anyone know where you can get pictures custom-framed for pretty cheap? I've got a picture that's 60 by 120 cm, which is a rather abnormal shape, and I can't find any frame it'll fit in. :( It's a hand-painting of deep pink and yellow lotus blossoms, from China.

And talking of art... some idiot in Britain stole a collection of Andy Warhol art from a millionaire. How dumb is that? What's he going to do, sell it? Hang it up? Each piece is individual... one-of-a-kind ... seriously folks... and Andy Warhol? Sure, he's ok, but if you're going to steal art, steal something a little classier, a little more romantic, impressionistic, pastel, French. Oh well.

Jaja, das wars...

Time flies when you're having fun

Yes, it's been well over a month since I've last written, and the original deadline was one month, but for some reason I needed a little more time. As most of my Dear Readers know, I have what I refer to as "Phases", and this particular Phase was slightly more horrid than most. But, like any situation in life, you live and learn, and hopefully don't repeat your mistakes. Though I unfortunately have a way of repeating mine, but we won't go there.

In the last couple of days or so, I've been doing rather well, which is an absolute miracle. So well, in fact, that I almost got in a car wreck, semi-overdosed on prescription meds, sewed a cute summer-skirt, refer to one of my best friends as an ass, chew out strangers at the supermarket (darn, I'm seriously turning into a German!), bought a pink ice-cream scoop, and pretty much do what I feel like doing. I've even turned into an occasional-you-know-what, which isn't exactly fabulous, but it's definitely better than bawling continuously. On top of that, I'm a brutal damage-inflicting Priestess when I'm not sitting in the office crunching numbers.

I've debated whether or not I should post some of the things I've had to deal with and think through in my life... in the hope of helping someone else know that they're not alone in their struggles, or know that they can overcome certain struggles.

Thoughts? Opinions? To what extent ought one publish personal crap in the internet? :)

There you have my life update, folks, hot off the press and as exciting as ever.

It's that time again...

... just so everyone knows, I've decided to take a break from writing to figure some stuff out. I'll probably need a month or so.

Scarborough or Cecily?

So... I bought a new car today... it was kind of a spontaneous thing, but I think it was the right decision. Hehe. And now I need a name for her.

I have Issues (and need a Hit-Man)

So I'm going to be brutally honest: this week was absolutely horrid, and I've cried more in the past week than in 2008. At least I know I have a heart... which I was beginning to question because it'd been a tear-free-half-year, which is abnormal for my melancholy self. But alas, the tides, along with the tears, have returned, and there could be another season of cynical poetry and mad creativity.

Why is it that when it hurts the most, you're the most creative? Is it some sort of outlet? Is it some sort of evil joke the Universe plays on you?

I think, though, that I'm moving from the Sad Phase to the Livid Phase, which is an excellent step in a somewhat wrong direction, but at least it's a different direction, and at least I'm adjusting my Hit-List as opposed to my Will. You've got to see the bright side of things.

*Pssst*

I've kind of forsaken my blog lately... it's not as if nothing's going on... there most certainly is... it's just stuff I really ought not publish online. My reputation! My honour! My dignity! My sanity! The irony is that at this point, I could turn about 90% of my life into a best-selling novel. The other 10%, that is, the uninteresting part, is when I'm sleeping without dreaming weird stuff (7.45%) or being my Ninja-Alter-Ego (2.55%).

That's all for now...

Lalala

I love our little Bible Study group, and last Tuesday was especially interesting. The topic was redemption, and we got into a rather heated debate as to whether someone can "lose" their salvation or not, specifically, if they deliberately "choose" to. You know you're in Germany when Bible Study turns into a screaming argument.

And you know you're in the States when the huge black security woman at the airport calls you "baby doll." That's normal.

It feels like I was never even in the States at all. There are half a million things I have to get done, and there's so much going on... it's hard to believe I even had vacation. I feel like I go from one project or one drama to the next, which is of course interesting, but sometimes I imagine how lovely a little peace of mind would be.

Actually, everything is going rather well at the moment. There's no way to see into the future, of course, but I have the feeling that something major is going to change in the next year or two or so. And it's kind of scary. But, to quote my dear Katinka, "It'll all work out."

Sun and Snow

To Whomever it might interest or concern, I made it back safely to Germany. This time, the only drama was having to go tearing through the airport to catch my international flight, and making it there just as everyone was finishing boarding. But I made it, unlike last year. Life gets better every day.

I've been wanting to post some pictures, but have somehow succesfully procrastinated getting anything done (or maybe it's because I'm too busy being my Ninja-Alter-Ego with fiery poisonous darts)... but as soon as I get the pictures uploaded, I'll post them.

The trip back home this year was great - time with my family, a get-together at our house, a trip to Mexico, coffee by the gallon, running through the dark after wild pigs, sunny weather, and of course a ton of cards. What makes me happiest is that everyone is doing well. That's huge.

My first several days back were great, though I'd best leave the highlights unpublished. Today was the perfect first day of work: driving my car an hour through the snow, working 13.5 hours straight, and dealing with a horrid stomach ache. But thanks to a bar of chocolate, I survived.