Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Thoughts on prayer, trust, life, etc.

This evening during Bible Study, we read the final several verses of James and discussed prayer and how God answers. As a semi-practical person who likes results and clear answers, it's often difficult for me to pray and wait for God to answer. I'd like to hear a voice or receive an e-mail. I'd like to look up and see words and directions scrolling in the night sky like in Star Wars, but that's unfortunately not an option. Which means, in order to be obedient, I'm to pray, trust and wait.

These seem to be recurring themes and thoughts lately.

On Monday night I spoke with Esther*, one of my dearest friends (and roommate for two years!) and we had a similar conversation... we ended up talking about prayer, faith, decision-making and uncertainties - both in the present and in the future. It's often difficult to believe, trust and hope as you're in the moment, in the present... but looking in retrospect almost always gives a new perspective and clarity.

Our Monday conversation ties in with tonight's conversation - God answers prayers. That's certain. Here's the clincher, though: He answers according to His will, and in His timing. Which are all too often different than my own will and timing.

In the past couple of weeks, I've really begun to see and understand God's guidance and direction in my life since last summer. Many things didn't run as I'd originally planned and desired... but everything's truly turned out for the best.

For example, I had my heart set on Berlin over the past two years. Not only do we have family friends there who pastor a little church, but the city itself is amazing - it's a cultural melting pot, and the perfect mixture of history and modernity. It was frustrating when I couldn't get a job there... but after weighing the options, I decided that even a little tiny town in Germany (Kamp-Lintfort) would be better than being in the States (no offense to anyone there - I was just ready for an adventure/challenge/change). I told Esther the other night that though I miss her and everyone back home tremendously, I really do think I'm in the right place, and at this point I can't imagine being anywhere else in the world.**

Then there was the appartment issue. Everyone I'd talked to recommended I find a place in Moers - the "largest" city near Kamp-Lintfort, where I work. Every appartment visit either fell through or wasn't right, for some reason. It was a frustrating time - I'd been praying for an appartment; everyone back home was also praying; and it was a definite need. Why was everything falling through? The hotel was nice, but enough is enough.

Now, I cringe thinking that I'd almost signed a lease in Moers. It's perfect here in Neukirchen for several key reasons: (1) Bizarro Mom is my renter, (2) I'm within a 3-minute walking distance to the church- and to a piano! (3) it's easy for people to come by, as it's so close to church, (4) NK is closer to work and (5) NK is really growing on me.

There are many things in life that we don't understand until post-facto, sometimes even years later. Then there are certain situations and occurrences I wonder if I'll ever understand.

Maybe so, maybe not.

When I was going through a hard time with faith and such at one point, my dad told me something I've always remembered. He said that though it's good to question and think and study, I'm never going to understand everything. If I were to understand everything, then I'd be God. This is completely absurd, and thus makes an excellent point.

Which brings us back to the beginning... trusting and knowing that God answers, and accepting the fact that His will and timing might just be different than your own. Ah!


Lyric of the day: "Can you catch the wind? See a breeze? It's presence is revealed by the leaves on a tree. An image of my faith in the Unseen." (Thanks to dcTalk).


*name unchanged

**excluding a little mud hut in Fiji...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

And you're my favourite 19-year old sister! I love you... you give me fever. :)