Tegel Sunsets

One of my all-time favourite places here in Berlin is the Tegeler Sea... it's about a 20-minute walk from my apartment, and I'll go there every chance I get!  To get to the sea, you first walk through a beautifully quaint pedestrian zone, which contains enough ice cream shops to make any girl with an out-of-control sweet-tooth more than happy.  This weekend, a friend and I spent the evening there taking a boat ride, watching the sunset, walking along the water, and of course indulging in Indian food and cocktails.  Here are a few favorite Tegel sunset pictures from the past couple of weeks!

And of course the "real reason" I love going to Tegel...

Ophthalmologist Appointment

Bizarre experiences with doctors are obviously not limited to NRW… they also run rampant in Berlin, and have been a topic of discussion here in the office this week.  A few days ago, my colleague’s boyfriend evidently had a headache.  As you can pretty much only get herbal teas, cough drops and children’s aspirin over the counter here, he decided to go to the doctor.  Instead of prescribing him some… say… *scratches her head*… *thinks about the options*… Ibuprofen or Tylenol or Aspirin, they rush him to the hospital and do all these head scans.  And require him to spend the night there.  For a HEADACHE!  German doctors obviously have difficulties dealing with headaches… last time I went to the doctor after having a headache and sore throat for 5 days, I was sent to the neurologist with a migraine diagnosis.  Though really all I needed were antibiotics because I had strep throat.  Good call, socialized medicine.

Anyway… this week, I had an appointment with an ophthalmologist.  Why?  Because my optometrist recommended it, a friend who works at an eye clinic recommended it, I hadn't been in 5+ years, and my vision basically changed over night.  Those should be good enough reasons, right?  Nope.  Not for this ophthalmologist in Berlin.  After waiting for 45 minutes (although I was the second person on the day's waiting list), the appointment lasted about 1 minute... because that's basically the amount of time the doctor needed to tell me not to show up again until I'm in my forties.  Evidently routine check-ups aren't necessary until then.  And evidently you're not supposed to go to the ophthalmologist unless you have an acute problem.  And it's evidently normal for your vision to change.  Over night.  

So I took one last look at the lovely Zeiss Visulas YAG III, thanked the doctor for her time, and told the receptionist I'd be back in about a decade.  Adios.

#ophthalmology #socializedmedicine #doctor #carlzeiss #berlin

Translation Project 2016

So... it's time for another *drum roll*... Translation Project!  After probably not enough thought, and a little push from Dad, I started talking with a guy from back home.  I'd like to live in the States at some point when I grow up, so why not talk with an American Boy?  We hung out (he was in Berlin) and wrote for no more than a couple of months, and it was one of the most bizarre things I've ever experienced.  I've seen a lot... but I have never seen anyone so all over the map, and have never gotten so many mixed signals.  In retrospect, I feel like I finally understand what he was trying to tell me... so here goes...

"I really want to see you again - let's meet in London!"  =  "Sometimes I would somehow like to meet someone (preferably female) somewhere someday and do something."

"I'd really like to get together with your parents when I'm in Austin next month."  =  "I really want to get together with some chic's parents at some point."

"I'm not interested in playing games."  =  "Having you book an international non-refundable ticket, and then cancelling doesn't count as a game.  That's life."

"Come visit me in Boston - I'll use my frequent flyer miles to fly you out here!"  =  "I kinda want an In-N-Out Burger."

"It's important for the man to be the leader and take initiative."  =  "Why don't you jump on this out-of-control emotional roller-coaster with me... and we can crash and burn!"

"I'm looking for [insert various characteristics] in a wife."  =  "I've got a date with another chic next week."

"Let's agree to always communicate openly and honestly."  =  "Why don't you go ahead and pour your heart out and I'll just kinda tell you what you want to hear."

"Work is kind of stressing me out."  =  "YOU are kind of stressing me out."

"Yeah, I need some space to figure things out."  =  "Check out my drama on facebook."

"I'm a Calvinist."  =  "I'm part of a super secret group of Elect... kinda like my first-class status with Delta Airlines.  Who needs church and other people when you've been hand-picked for limited atonement?"

"I really like you."  =  "I really like the idea of a girlfriend.  It has nothing to do with you personally."

I really like you."  =  "I really like a good bbq."

"I really like you."  =  "I think I'd make a good beat-boxer."

Ok... that might have been kind of mean... but then again, reality can be cruel.  And I'd rather laugh about it than be upset about it.  :)

#sorrynotsorry #relationships #americanboys #indecisive #wtf #london #justkidding #mixedsignals

Sony Center

This weekend, we were at an art exhibit in the Sony Center!  There was everything from oils to collages to photography to sculpture... mostly from local artists.  We weren't allowed to take pictures of most of the work... so I can't really post anything here... but what I do have are a couple of pictures of the Sony Center!

Looking up at the "tent"... it was a bright and beautiful day!  (Until it started raining).



Here's a view of the DB (Deutscher Bahn) building taken from inside the Sony Center... being tucked in between the sky scrapers always makes me feel like a little kid visiting a big city for the first time.  It's still breath-taking!



And of course one of the best parts of the day... a spaghetti ice cream with cherries and white chocolate!  So good!


Lately I've been extremely thankful for my developing friendships here.  It's great being around people with shared interests, who are at a similar stage in life, and who have similar beliefs.  Don't know what I would do without this amazing group of girlies!

#berlin #sonycenter #summer #icecream

Berlin and Blogging

It's certainly been a while... but for some reason I've recently had the urge to start writing again.  Maybe because there have been so many exciting things going on in life.  Maybe it's because I feel like I'm at least trying to get back on track spiritually and emotionally for the first time in years.  And maybe it's because I had chocolate ice cream for breakfast this morning.  But whatever the reason, for the first time in years I feel like I'm at least trying to get on the right path again, and actually have some interesting things to write about.

As most of you know, I moved to Berlin about 2.5 years ago.  It was a crazy step, and although there have been some rough times and quite a few ups and downs. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything.  Several people have asked if I've regretted the move, as not everything has turned out as anticipated.  But I definitely haven't.

Here are a few observations of Berlin, to kick-start the Blog again...

People are generally proud to be here.  Whether they've been born and have grown up here, or have landed a job and moved here, people are proud to be living in this city.

It's very rough-around-the-edges... from the construction to the graffiti to the vending machines with disposable needles.

There's always something interesting going on!  Concerts, art exhibits, fireworks, demos, markets, fights, and the list goes on...

You can hear American English everywhere!  I used to have to go to the airport and eavesdrop to get my AE fix...

People run red lights here worse than in Texas (I didn't realize this was even possible).

In general, people on the streets and in the stores seem somewhat unhappy, rushed and preoccupied.  They also look at you weird if you say "hello."

There are still hard feelings between the East-Germans and West-Germans.

The city never sleeps!  People enjoy walking their dogs at 2am,..

It's super multi-culti!  The mix of people, cultures, languages, and food definitely keeps things interesting... sometimes a little too interesting... :)

#berlin #culture

Apartment Renovation Pics!

So... here are a few pictures of the progress we've made in my new apartment... especially for my curious Mother...  :)

Here's the lovely kitchen that we found on Ebay... as most of you know, in Germany apartments are usually rented without a kitchen.  Meaning you have to purchase, construct, and install it yourself.  We found one for a pretty good deal, including all appliances (fridge, dishwasher, oven).  About a week ago, Opi constructed it, and here's the end result:

And here's a picture from the other side.  Please excuse the mess.

Here you can see Opi working on the laminate in the living room... it's a really gorgeous "white oak."  :)

And he finished it!  Also notice the lavender walls - I mixed the colour (white and purple), and painted it (mostly) myself. :)

And last but not least, here's a picture of the bedroom after we put wall-paper up.  That whole process was totally fascinating - I never knew how that was done... but let me tell you, that was some fun, sticky stuff.

That's all for now!  We're going to work on the apartment this weekend some more, so more pictures will be coming up soon!

Chocolate Overdose

I've got a fever... and the only prescription is more chocolate!!!

This was a "thank you" from my soon-to-be-in-Kuwait-friend... I've helped him practice English a few times, and he knows I have a weakness for chocolate.  He wasn't sure which chocolate bar to pick, so he simply took one of every single kind.  What a brilliant solution.  :)

Barber Family Reunion in Amsterdam!

A few weeks ago, I got a very-surprising e-mail from Dad saying that he has a Benelux trip planned.  Not much can get him to Europe, so when he's here (and within a couple of hours driving-distance), I definitely have to go visit him.  : )  I think my boss also realized that he didn't really have a choice when it came to approving my vacation day...

So here are a few photos from our day together in Amsterdam.

Here he on a bridge overlooking the Amstel, a river that runs all through town (Amsterdam is like an xxx version of Venice).


 

This was taken in front of Rembrandt's house / studio / shop... Rembrandt is one of Dad's favourite artists, so we had to check this place out.  One of the coolest things here was a still-life painting, and directly underneath the painting was a glass display case containing the exact artifacts that he had painted!  The same objects, colours, discrepancies... weird stuff.

 

 

 



Here I am in the Rembrandt house, next to a somewhat older map of Amsterdam.  Please take careful note of my new magenta purse strap!

 

 

 

 

We called this part of city the "Times Square of Amsterdam."   :)  On the left are several restaurants - we had dinner at the Mexican/Argentinian place.  Yum.  

 

 

 

And last but not least, I had to take a picture of this shop where they sell "Fantaseeds."  And we're not talking about normal seeds for a vegetable garden.

 

 

 

So what's the moral of the story?  If a Barber-Family-Member can't make it to Texas or if a Barber-Family-Member can't make it to Germany, then simply meet somewhere in the middle, like Amsterdam.

Work Update from a Friend

Hmm...

... where do I begin?

So I was talking with a friend the other day, and she's been having a somewhat difficult time at work for the past... well... since she started, actually.  She does have her own blog, but asked me to write about her here because she's afraid of the possible consequences she could face if her Spawn of Hades Boss decides to google her.

Anyway.  It wasn't just the near-death experience last week of almost being killed while taking an innocent cigarette break because a huge metal facing from the top story of the building became unscrewed and crashed to the pavement literally 3 feet away from her.  And it isn't the sexist comments from her co-workers.  Or the imminent integration in which she is taking an active role.  Or the fact that for her 5-year jubilee, her name was spelled incorrectly on the official list.  But rather, it's a combination of thousands of factors which are slowly driving her to madness.

So yesterday she picked up the phone and set up a meeting with someone from the Work's Council to discuss how one goes about getting laid off (without taking slightly more obvious and simple measures such as constantly showing up late, deliberately submitting incorrect figures, or running naked through the lobby when there are important visitors).  Someone's got to arrange her lay-off, so why shouldn't she take the initiative herself?  After all, that's what it's all about, folks: taking initiative, taking charge, getting work done, and getting your own butt laid off when you're sick of your job.  And making sure you get a nice severance payment, of course.

She did feel somewhat guilty today... here she is, ungratefully plotting her escape, when her Boss (in a moment of incommensurable generosity) offered her a chocolate cupcake as a thank-you for her work today.  But she stood her ground - she will not be influenced by chocolate!  A chocolate cupcake does not make up for years of anger, abuse and tears!  No!  She must resist!

So yes, that's what's going on with my friend, my Dear Readers...

It's Official: Germany ist a First World Country!

For those of you who keep up with international headlines, I'm sure you're aware of this already (or is my blog the first news source to officially announce it?) - but Germany has finally achieved the status of being a First World Country.  Amazing.  But how have they finally reached this goal?  What was the turning point?  What consequences will this have on travel, the economy, import/export and international relations?

Well, my Dear Readers, it's all due to Lip Smackers, the best brand of lip gloss in the world, and a trademark of developed First World Countries.  Kids, don't believe everything your Textbooks (or the internet) tells you: forget the Gross National Product and the Human Developtment Index!  The real indicator of developtment, and the most crucial factor in the definition of a First World Country is Strawberry-Kiwi Lip Smackers!

This afternoon I was out and about with a friend, and we discovered Lip Smackers for the first time in a German store.  Of course they didn't have the assortment that they have in the US, but this is forgivable - at least they've taken a step in the right direction.  Here is proof, my Dear Readers, that Coca-Cola Lip Smackers is now being sold in Germany:

Though this is a major step for Germany, the consequences on the US economy could be detrimental.  I am, after all, most likely the #1 US Customer.  This means that instead of stocking up on the Party Packs over Christmas, I might resort to purchasing Lip Smackers soley in Germany.  Hopefully the US companies will survive this incredible loss of turnover and be able to rebound without too many lay-offs.

That said, I would like to officially congratulate the Germans on their tremendous achievement, their hard work, and their investment in the future.  I would also like to encourage them to continue on this brave path, to continue taking these important steps forward, and to slowly broaden their horizons to not only offer Coca-Cola lip gloss, but also Dr. Pepper lip gloss, or fruity lip glosses, or maybe even glitter lip gloss.  The possibilites are unlimited.  The future is open.  Carpe Diem.

And she's (maybe, hopefully, who knows?) back!

Yes, my Dear Readers, it's been quite a while, but I might be back. There's nothing like a good wake-up call to make you remember the important things in life... and for me, it took 2.5 weeks of being bed-ridden to realize what's important... and that is, mocking anything and everything around me through an online blog that about 2-3 people read (hi Mom!). Ok, that sounds somewhat cynical... maybe we shouldn't call it "mocking", but "educated cultural commentary." Or something along those lines.

In light of the current US elections, I'd like to give you all a taste of what it's like to live in a country with socialized medicine. Why? Because Obama-Care needs to be voted OUT in the upcoming election.

Like I wrote, I've been sick for 2.5 weeks. Why? Because my doctor is too incompetent to diagnose a simple bacterial infection. She was convinced I had a migraine (although I only had one of the migraine symptoms*) and sent me to the neurologist, who sent me to the pharmacist, who told me to drink a strong cup of coffee because caffeine will cure any headache. Well, the coffee didn't really help, and after visiting the neurologist twice, he sent me back my original doctor, who then told me I was probably just feeling bad due to the weather or because of something "psychological" she can't fix.

Mary: "How can it be the weather? I've felt horrible for over two weeks now."
Doctor: "For some people it just takes longer to get used to the weather. Or maybe it's something psychological?"
Mary: "How should I know?"
Doctor: "Well how should I know?"
Mary: "If you don't know, then who can help me?"
Doctor: "How should I know? I know as much as you."
Mary: "Then check me in to the hospital for all I care, and they'll do a complete investigation."
Doctor: "Frau Barber, I'm not sending you to the hospital for a headache and a little nausea and dizziness."
Mary: "But it's been going on over two weeks. Then what about an antibiotic?"
Doctor: "Well your throat does look pretty bad, I guess I could prescribe you an antibiotic."
Mary: "Fabulous. And what if it's not better next week?"
Doctor: "Of course it'll be better by next week. It's an antibiotic."

Honestly folks, although it's great to be able to go to a doctor, what's the point of going to doctors who give you the wrong diagnoses and don't give a ****? Then I can just as well stay home and stay uninsured. But that's socialized healthcare for you.

Personally, I'd prefer no doctor than a socialized doctor who doesn't give a **** about their patients. And I'd prefer no diagnosis than a false diagnosis. And I'd prefer no medication than the wrong medication. So in the upcoming election, let's vote Obama-Care OUT!  Save the US from socialized health care!

And thanks again, Mom, not only for checking in with me on a daily basis, but also for the absentee voter card!  Hahaha!



*a headache

They did WHAT?

Given the recent world events, I suddenly feel the urge to re-awaken my blog and give my two-cents-worth. After all, it's not every day that one of the most powerful nations in the world executes a stealth operation, undetected by local military forces, assassinating the most-wanted terrorist of modern times. When I first read the news, it shocked me...

Euro-Mary: "Oh my goodness, typical America! What have they done? What are they thinking?"
US-Mary: "Emmm..."
Euro-Mary: "That's just not normal... assassinating someone, dumping his body into the Arabian Sea, openly admitting it on public television, and being fully supported by the entire nation..."
US-Mary: "But murdering thousands of innocent people as a self-proclaimed terrorist-mastermind isn't exactly normal, either..."
Euro-Mary: "But is that right? Is that justice?"
US-Mary: "This is WAR."

One thing that surprised me is the reaction of most Germans I've talked to... for some reason I expected most people here to be somewhat skeptical and even appalled with the recent events (as I was at first), but that's definitely not the case. Even the German Chancellor was quoted saying she supports the actions of the US. Ok, one could argue that it's due to their love-affair with Obama... if Bush had authorized such an assassination, the reaction would have been somewhat different (think: anti-American hate-Fest)... hmm...

Sure, there are many unanswered questions, which is great feed for conspiracy theorists, which is great reading for me when my co-worker is on a cigarette break and I don't really feel like working, either. But seriously, folks, how could Osama be camping out in a mega-fortress in the backyard of the Pakistani-Westpoint-Equivalent for years without the ISI realizing it? And did the US-Government really execute this mission, or was it Aliens? After all, the "helicopters" were undetected in the Pakistani airspace, able to conduct a 40-minute raid without military interference. Brilliant. This is ample proof that Extraterrestrials actually conducted the assassination. Why haven't photos of the corpse been released? Were vegetables the only things grown in the self-sufficient Waziristan compound gardens, or was Marijuana also involved? How could accurate DNA-tests be conducted in such a short time? Should a trial have been held? What did Osama do in his spare time without television and internet access? Wouldn't that be dreadfully boring? And the list of questions goes on...

Questions aside, I've got to hand it to the US Government for taking such swift and deliberate action here... which is something I wouldn't expect from the Obama administration (unless the issue is destroying the country's health care system).

Go Amis.

You Can't Do It!

It's odd... sometimes, the thing that motivates me the most is when people have pretty much given up on me and told me that I'm unable to accomplish something. There's a certain unexplainable appeal in proving people wrong. In the past months, I've been performing well under my potential in quite a few areas... partially due to a huge amount of pressure and frustration, but also partially due to apathy (ok, that's synonymous for laziness... I admit it).

For example...

"I think the church finances are too much pressure for you... we're going to hand them over to someone else."

Then miraculously... the data seems to have taken care of itself.

Or... "You should consider checking yourself into a clinic."

And suddenly life seems a little less tragic and a little more humorous.

"Why don't you come home? You could stay with us while you're looking for a new job..."

Yet somehow the sun seems to shine a little brighter in Germany. For now, at least.

It's like when I was a child taking piano lessons... there was a constant battle with one of my piano teachers because she wanted me to play certain songs which were, in my opinion, rather dull. And I had my heart set on Chopin.

"Oh no, you're definitely not ready to play Chopin yet..."

And a month later I had mastered my first Chopin piece, completely on my own, to the amazement of my piano teacher.

TAKE THAT, WORLD!!!

:)

Regrets

I've been thinking about regrets quite a bit in the past weeks, and had an interesting conversation with my co-worker today on that very topic. She happens to have a different opinion than me on the matter, which is always good to hear. I tend to assume that most people think and see things the way I do, an assumption I've recently discovered to be somewhat off-base.

As a general rule, I only regret things that I have done, even if the decision to do Said Thing seemed right and logical at the time. And, interestingly, when thinking about it, most of my regrets have to do with interpersonal relationships. For example, I regret having spent so much time with a certain young man.* Although it may have seemed like the right thing at the time, and although we had a great deal in common, and quite a bit of fun together, I still regret every minute spent with him and every word shared with him.

In the same situation, my co-worker would claim that it was a good learning experience, even though it might have arguably been a "mistake", thinking that that particular man could be The Right One. She doesn't regret her mistakes, even if the consequences are somewhat unbearable.

Admirable. Is this normal?

On the other hand, I have rarely (if at all) regretted not doing something. There have been things that others have encouraged me to do, but for some reason I didn't want to, and until now there have fortunately been no regrets. For example, in high school, my mother wanted me to go to the Prom. She even told me that I'd probably regret not attending - it is, after all, a pretty important event in the life of a normal American high school student. But I stayed home (and probably read a book or played the piano), and to this day haven't regretted it. As a matter of fact, I'm kind of proud of the fact that I could do my own thing, stand against peer pressure, and not really care what others thought of me at a somewhat young age.

What about you all, my Dear Readers (if I still have Dear Readers... it has been a while...)? Do you tend to regret that which you have done? Or that which you haven't done? Or both? Or neither? It'd be interesting to hear some thoughts on the topic.


*this could be high school or college or post-college... the general idea and the regrets are the same. :)

Wherefore art Thou, March?

Have I mentioned how glad I'll be when February is over? I've been "alone" at work since the beginning of January*, and pulled off a monthly Book Closing on my own after having been in the States over the weekend for Kat's wedding. I was even pushing 40 hours without sleep... but, it was definitely worth it - I wouldn't have missed her wedding for the world. Let's just say life has taken it's toll on me in the past weeks.

And the fact that I work for a bi-polar German Spawn of Satan doesn't help.

And the fact that I had a sort of crisis last year around this time doesn't help.

And the fact that I spent the weekend crying because of a stupid book doesn't help. But for some reason, I can't stop reading it.

Do you know what would be nice? If I could just take a break from life... maybe a few months or so, or more... I feel like I'm in a glass fish bowl, trapped in murky water, unable to see clearly and unable to get out. I know there's something better, more beautiful, out there somewhere, but I'm so busy struggling to swim and stay alive, and the water is so cloudy, that I'm unable to see beyond the smudgy glass edges. It's not just physical barriers we're talking about... I also feel limited on an intellectual level, which sucks, because there are certain things I almost NEED to understand. Alas... someone ought to pick me up, shake me off, and set me down somewhere peaceful, warm and dry outside of this Universe.


*Germans have an average of six weeks of vacation per year... and my colleague decided to take five weeks off to go to Australia. Though I'm happy for her, it's forced me to live in survival mode for the past month, which has not been pretty.

Happy New Year?

Ah, 2010 has finally arrived. And with it, the chance to start anew, in a way. I've made a resolution (kind of a two-or-three-in-one-type-resolution) for this year, and all in all I'm pretty positive about 2010... after all, it can only get better after the Year from Emotional Hell.

Mary: *smiles bittersweetly and rolls her eyes*
Readers: "Year from Emotional Hell?"
Mary: "You don't want to know. Believe me."
Readers: "Hmm. Well, at least you're more positive about this year."
Mary: "I guess."
Readers: "So, what's the resolution?"

Well, it's a rather odd resolution... somewhat passive, and more of a damage-control measure than anything else. But then again, that's where I am at this point. So, for 2010, I've decided to try to stop hating people. There are certain people that I (unfortunately) absolutely hate, and I need to stop plotting their deaths and dwelling on it. Then, there's the fact that humanity as a whole (including myself) annoys me quite a bit. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I hate the human race, but a little more love wouldn't harm anyone.

Sometimes I feel like a cat who thinks she's a human, but has come to the horrifying conclusion that she's actually nothing more than a house pet. Those of you who have had pets will understand this, I'm sure. For some reason, I used to think that I would someday have all the answers, have everything under control, and achieve a sort of metaphorical godlike perfection. I knew I wasn't God... that's absurd and obvious... well... not THE GOD, of course... but maybe one of the immortals... one of the lower gods... yeah, that's me: a modern-day Artemis, or Venus, or Aphrodite, or Hera in the making. But no, I'm a mere mortal... a human, not a god... or, should I say, a pet cat and not a human.

Readers: "You've finally lost your mind."
Mary: "No, that happened long ago."
Readers: "And you seriously thought you were a sort of god?"
Mary: "Oh, it was more of a subconscious thing."
Readers: "Hmm."
Mary: "Yeah, it was a rough realization."

Why do I write this? Because I think it somehow plays a crucial role in the 2010 resolution. 99% of the time, I hate the fact that I'm part of the human race, I hate the fact that I have needs, I hate the fact that I'm not completely independent, and I hate the fact that I have no say in my own existence. And because I feel this way about myself, I tend to feel this way about other people as well. But, this year, that will hopefully start to change. I've been asking God to help me to forgive certain people, to stop hating certain people, and to give me a Christ-like love for humanity as a whole.

That's it.

We'll see what 2010 has in store for us...

The Translation Project (Ladies - let this be a warning!)

Living in a foreign country, I often find myself having to translate from one language into another. In the past years, however, German is not the only foreign language I've had to learn... recent discoveries have shown that men speak quite a different language than women. This means I have to not only translate from German into English or vice versa, but from Man-German to Woman-German to Woman-English. Or from Man-English to Woman-English. And let me tell you, folks, it's complicated.

I tend to think that men deliberately lie and manpulate, though I'm not quite sure this is correct. Maybe they simply speak a different language. Or maybe they actually mean what they say at the time they say it. You never know.

Anyway, for all you ladies out there, here is a list of things that guys have actually said to me in my life. And then there's the translation, which I unfortunately didn't realize until post-facto, after the rather fatal mistake of allowing myself to get in too deep.

Oh, no, I'm not bitter at all. Just slightly aggravated by my own idiocy in trusting and believing *ahem* certain people... and believe me, it's not going to happen again.

"I'll wait for you, no matter how long." = "I'll wait for you for a week or two."

"I'll wait for you, you're the only one I can imagine being with." = "I'll wait for you until I meet someone new."

"I'm not like other guys." = "I want you to believe that I'm not like other guys."

"You look beautiful, as always." = "I want to sleep with you."

"I love you." = "I want to sleep with you."

"I love you." = "Hmm, this silence is awkward and anything else I say might be wrong."

"I love you." = "Please don't be mad at me."

"I love you." = "I think I love you at this particular moment, but I might change my mind tomorrow."

"You're the one I've been looking for my entire life." = "I like you pretty much, but I think I'll still keep looking."

"I never want to lose you." = "Please don't break up with me... if anyone initiates a break-up, it's going to be me."

"I can't imagine being without you." = "My friends are out of town and there's nothing good on tv."

"You're the most important person in my life." = "You're the most important person other than myself. And the next girl who comes along and is slightly more interesting and pretty. And my friends. And a few other people, but you really are fairly important. Really."

"I'll call you tomorrow evening." = "I might call you at some random point in the next month or so."

"What YOU want is the most important thing." = "What YOU want is pretty important, unless it coincides with what I want."

"I want to travel the world with you." = "I'm kind of bored today."

"I wrote this song/poem/whatever for you." = "Look how brilliant I am. Is it any good? Will the next girl like it too?"

"We should elope..." = "I'm really bored."

"We should elope..." = "I want to sleep with you."

"We should elope..." = "I don't have money for a wedding... I spent it all on alcohol and video games."

"Let's meet in Chicago - I have to see you." = "I want to sleep with you."

"You can trust me." = "I'm going to manipulate you."

"I'd never lie to you." = "I'm lying to you as we speak."

"I'll give you everything." = "I'll give you almost everything, but I might take it all back tomorrow."

"I'll come back for you... I'll find you no matter what." = "I'll come back for you unless I meet someone else and forget you."

There you have it. :) To any guys reading this, if you're offended, then I'm kind of sorry. Yes, you read correctly - only kind of. :) Maybe this will encourage you to re-consider before you say or promise something you haven't thoroughly thought through.

Truth is confusing...

I was thinking about Truth the other day, and came to the conclusion (not that I personally define truth) that it's something eternal, or at least I hope it is... otherwise I might as well throw myself into the Rhine.

Truth must be eternal in the sense that it's neither time- nor emotion- nor personal-philosophy- nor situation-dependent. It's true no matter who you are, no matter where you are, and no matter what you are thinking and feeling.

Is something true if I think I can prove it? If a genius can supposedly prove it? If it makes sense? Is something a lie if the speaker is ignorant? If the speaker is careless? If the speaker means what's said at the time, but regrets it later? That is, can Truth turn into a lie?

*shrugs her shoulders*

Verdammt. I chose the wrong painting.

Ah, a revelation has struck... do you guys remember when I was trying to make a decision about which painting to choose? Well, folks, I chose the wrong painting last June, which rather unfortunately resulted in the following painting:




And now, in a way, I'm at the cross-roads again, and still don't know what's right and what's wrong, or even what I want for that matter.* On the bright side, however, there are a few things I know I don't want, and people I don't particularly want to see, and I'm not afraid to say so, and to say no.

*But I do know one thing: plaid pink and white is pretty darn cute.

Hmm.

For some reason, I can't seem to get anything done this year, including updating my blog. I actually wanted the next post to include pictures from Emita's wedding, but for some reason it's difficult to get them downloaded from the camera and uploaded into the net. Just like I can't seem to empty my mailbox (Bizarro Mom gets pretty upset about this) or turn in my tax forms or mop the floors or go grocery shopping.

Sometimes, however, there are simply more important things... such as remodeling, glittery-purple suits of armour, trying to live in denial, taking walks along the autobahn at 3 AM, and avoiding people.

Like you all know, it's been a rough year, and I'm still recovering from certain aspects of it, but all in all things are getting better. I've gone from bawling every day to wanting to hire a hit-man (which I still wouldn't mind doing) to attempting to find some balanced middle ground. It's tough sometimes, and all-too-often I desperately want out, but what's one to do? On a somewhat serious note (sorry in advance if this offends someone), I decided when I was 15 or 16 not to ever commit suicide, no matter how hard things get. Sometimes I think that was one of the best decisions I've made, and sometimes I think it was one of the worst. But it was a deicision, and a right decision at that, so we'll stick with it.

Change of topic: does anyone know where you can get pictures custom-framed for pretty cheap? I've got a picture that's 60 by 120 cm, which is a rather abnormal shape, and I can't find any frame it'll fit in. :( It's a hand-painting of deep pink and yellow lotus blossoms, from China.

And talking of art... some idiot in Britain stole a collection of Andy Warhol art from a millionaire. How dumb is that? What's he going to do, sell it? Hang it up? Each piece is individual... one-of-a-kind ... seriously folks... and Andy Warhol? Sure, he's ok, but if you're going to steal art, steal something a little classier, a little more romantic, impressionistic, pastel, French. Oh well.

Jaja, das wars...