Thursday, June 01, 2006

FRAU BARBER!!!!!!!

Driving Instructor: "Frau Barber! Didn't you see the Stop Sign?"
Mary: "Yes! Which is why I stopped*!!"
DI: "Please... that was not a complete stop."
Mary: "SORRY!"
DI: "I know you have stop signs in America. You have no excuse."
Mary: "I KNOW!!!!!!! I said I was sorry!"

DI: "Frau Barber! You have your license! You should know how to drive backwards!"
Mary: "Of course I know how to! I just don't know why or how far or at what speed! When I drive alone, I tend to drive forwards."
DI: "Frau Barber!!"

DI: "FRAU BARBER! Look at your speedometer! You're driving 20 under the speed limit!"
Mary: "But there are pedestrians and bikers everywhere! And these awful German streets are way too narrow!"
DI: "You're ruining the traffic flow!"
Mary: "There aren't any cars behind me! Who cares??"

DI: "Why are you stopping???"
Mary: "There was a freaking pidgeon in the middle of the road and I didn't want to kill it!"
DI: "Frau Barber! It'll fly away... plus, it's only one pidgeon!"
Mary: "AUGHHHHH!!!!!!"


I kind of want to swerve the car and fake-peg a pedestrian just to test his reaction time.

Or drive the wrong way into a one-way-street just to see him freak out and scream "Frau Barber" for the thousandth time.

As the "Student", am I responsible for my actions, or is the instructor?

If I were to trash the car, would I have to pay for it, or would the driving school? Hmm...

It was interesting... the longer I drove with him yesterday, the more ticked off I became... which had an interesting effect: the initial nervousness was replaced with anger, which resulted in more agressive, more confident, and faster driving. I was suddenly driving the speed limit, making quicker, more confident turns and decisions, and firmly gripping the steering wheel with both hands (I usually drive with one hand, but the instructor requires that I use both... and when I'm angry, it happens naturally).

On the day of the test, I think I'll listen to head-banging rock music. And deliberately get in a fight with someone. And read old love-letters. And slam my fingers in my car door. And drop my favourite ring in a gutter.

Hey, you've gotta do what you've gotta do.


Quote of the day: "Das war doch ein Stopschild! Verdammte Scheisse, jetzt finge ich an zu fluchen!" (thanks to my driving instructor)


*rolled through

3 comments:

Sarah D said...

I threw that quote from your instructor into a translator... that's quite a mouthful. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your post. Now I know how I look to Ben. We are doing that parent taught driver's ed. I must drive him nuts! "Move over, Ben, we're too close to the guard rail. Don't crowd the center, mover closer to the guard rail." yada, yada, yada.

In my defense, Ben is easily distracted. "Ben, where are we going?
"To the Mall."
"Do we need to be south of RR 620 to get there?"

"Oops!"

"No, you can't turn around here, keep going!"

But how will we get back to the mall?

"Let's just go to the Arboretum."

In Ben's defense, so far we have not had an accident.

Anonymous said...

Sarah - indeed, it is! But I've kind of gotten used to it. :)

Karen - I can't believe Ben's working on his license! I still picture him as a little tyke. My goodness. So you're his driving instructor... hmm.... Though I'm sure you don't ever raise your voice at him or curse. :)