Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Espionage Accusations and Confiscations

Though I managed to waltz through three airport checkpoints and fly internationally with a false ticket, I can't manage to make it through the Zugangskontrolle (entrance/exit security) in my own company.

Yesterday, after a relatively long and busy day at work, I went through security, as I do everyday. This time, however, I was stopped and questioned by one of the security guys. I don't know his name, but for the sake of the story, let's call him "Frankie."

Frankie (squints and looks closer at the x-ray screen): "What's that in your purse?"
Mary: "Oh, that's my camera."
Frankie: "You know cameras aren't allowed on the premises."
Mary: "No, I didn't realize that."
Frankie: "Of course no cameras are allowed in here. Everyone knows that."
Mary: "Had I known, I wouldn't have brought it in... I'm sorry, but I didn't know."
Frankie: "Yes, you DID know. You signed."
Mary: "I signed?"

Needless to say, I felt like a complete idiot after this conversation. Evidently, in one of the piles of papers and forms I'd signed in my own blood, the fine print said that no cameras are allowed. Frankie then proceeded to confiscate not only my camera, but my CDs as well.

The next day, one of my co-workers received an official e-mail from the security people, with the title saying something along the lines of, "Privatkamera und CD Mappe mit 33 CDs in der Zugangskontrolle bei der Fr. Barber (Personalnummer XXXXXX) gefunden." Or, "Private camera and CD case containing 33 CDs found on Ms. Barber (Personel Number XXXXXX) in Security." As if I were a criminal. How much does diplomatic immunity cost? Is it even possible to purchase it?

Let's stop and think about this: if I really wanted to commit espionage (which I most certainly do not!), I would be smart about it. I would read up on all of the rules. I would know exactly what's allowed and what's not. I wouldn't break any obvious rules. I wouldn't haul a camera around. I wouldn't carry 30+ CDs with me. There are better, smarter, securer, and less obvious ways to transfer data. *Ahem*

I did receive everything the next day, though a co-worker had to pick it up for me and check to make sure I didn't have any confidential data CDs or illegal pictures.

Frankie was outside smoking a cigarette today as I was headed home... I smiled and wished him a nice rest of the day.

Lyric of the day: "Secret Agent Man (Woman, in this case), Secret Agent Man... they've given you a number, and taken away your name..."


Karen said...

Mary, Mary, You were always such a trouble maker! You were too smart for America, but they caught up with you in Germany. Now that you are a criminal to your company, I suppose I should send them your e-mails about your high school principal? They could see how devious you really are and then they would know for certain that the camera/CD incident was indeed just an accident.

"Frankie" would then be reassigned to keep a diligent eye on you for the duration of your employment. Maybe it would be best for me to keep mum about Mr. Lindner.

Mary said...

Thanks for the comment! :) Oh, I wouldn't say they've "caught up" with me just yet... muahahaha.

About those e-mails... if those are ever leaked outside of your inbox, I'm going to have to send one of my people after you. ;)

Ah, Mr. Lindner... haven't thought of him in ages. I don't know if I ever told you this, but I actually started writing a book around that time... purely fiction, of course. It was about an 8th grader whose parents were tired of her and were sending her to a Christian School. She, of course, was the only one to realize that the principal was actually a criminal... and she single-handedly exposed and brought down him and the whole criminal orchestration of the school. I never did finish the story, though cause I had, um, too much homework. :)