Nine Eleven

I still remember hearing the news: my roommate came tearing into our room, frantically telling me what had happened. She was known for over-reacting and being dramatic so I didn't believe it until she dragged me down the hall to the dorm TV lounge to see for myself.

I immediately ran to call my parents, but couldn't reach them because the phone lines were jammed. This continued for hours.

My Aunt and Uncle live in New York, so it was a relief hearing that they were ok.

A friend's father worked in the Pentagon, so it was a relief hearing that he was ok.

The entire University was in an uproar; the majority of classes were cancelled for the next couple of days.

Prayer Vigils were held and supported by various campus organizations.

News channels were broadcasted throughout the week in the MSC (Memorial Student Center), so students could gather together, watch the news, and discuss the events.

Blood donation sites were set up on campus, allowing students to donate blood for the injured in New York.

For weeks (and even months) afterwards, that was THE TOPIC. Not a day went by where you didn't discuss it or think about it.

I never thought something like that could happen on American soil. Yes, we have crime, but it's from the inside - my generation is the Columbine generation, after all. We even had a bomb threat at my high school, so I went into school late that particular day without thinking twice. But terrorism from the outside? That was a new concept introduced to me six years ago. My parents have told me stories of growing up during the Cold War Era - being afraid that the communists would come and take them away, for example. But my generation has been seemingly protected and naive.

Those are simply some things I remember from September 11, 2001.

Now, six years later, life somehow continues.

I had a great conversation today (ironically, I didn't realize until post-facto that it was the 11th) with one of my colleagues who is a Turkish Muslim. We were talking about God and beliefs and hate and war. And I realized, once again, that our fight here on earth isn't against other people. I'm not exactly sure what it's against, and what it practically looks like... but grown-ups are like children in the sense that no matter what culture you're in, they're the same.

"Children... they're all alike" is a common observation, especially from well-travelled and cultured adults with their own children... but couldn't we say the same about grown-ups?

"People... they're all alike."

We're a sad, broken, confused, lost, lonely group of people here on this planet and for whatever reason we have these tendencies to hate and kill eachother. The war isn't individual against individual... individuals get along, for the most part. And even if they don't, they usually don't kill eachother. What is war? Is it belief against belief? Culture against culture? Race against race? But Beliefs and Culture and Races are comprised of individuals. I don't think anyone can really explain war, or even end it.

Which is why I saw fire and crashing buildings and crying people and bleeding people every time I read a newspaper or turned on the televison.

I know my Muslim colleague had nothing personally to do with the attacks on September 11. Just like I didn't personally decide to go to war with Iraq. Or Afghanistan. Or Kosovo. Or anywhere else US troops are stationed.

I don't hate people. I hate sin. And I hate rebellion against God, against holiness, against peace, against beauty. I hate temptation and giving in to temptation. I hate that sin dominates this world. Sometimes I hate the world, hate what people have to experience, hate that I don't understand why.

That's all.

Hark! the herald angels sing...

When I think about it, there's not really much of anything I'd rather do than lounge around singing and playing the piano with Syd and Eleanor and whoever else happens to be there at the moment.* Yesterday evening, it was English Christmas songs, for whatever reason. I've always had a habit of playing Christmas songs out of season, and on this particular evening several other people seemed to be in a Christmas-y mood as well. 'Twas lovely.

In the past several days I've been thinking about (primarily non-physical) Constants, and trying to determine if there's anything in life that's constant. I basically came to the conclusion that the only Constant in life is the guaranteed lack of consistancy. But amidst this inconsistancy, a love for music has been an almost-constant in my life. There's just something calming and lovely and distracting and healing about it.

*Well, maybe I'd rather be wreaking havoc with my sisters, but they're not here (or I'm not there), so life marches on.

Tired

It's about 23:00 and I just got home from work. We're talking about a 15 hour day today.

The combination of analyzing numbers, skipping meals, and binge-drinking coffee isn't helping the general situation here, either.

I kind of need a hug. But I guess all the normal people are safely at home, asleep in their beds, while I'm out carousing the A-57 and analyzing everything from allocation cost cycles to unanswered life questions.

Blue like What? (Or, Book Recommendations)

I've officially got a new... I don't even know what to call it. A hero? An admiree? A semi-celebrity-crush?

It's been a while since a book has changed my life... the last book that concretely changed both my views and certain decisions was A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit, which I read multiple times throughout high school and college. READ THIS if you have the chance. It's brilliant and witty and true and feministic in a non-bra-burning way.

Now, however, I'm on a major Don Miller Trip. About a year ago, I read Blue like Jazz for the first time, and decided to read it again hoping it'd help me understand life and God and things. Along with it I read Searching for God Knows What because (a) I liked Don Miller for the most part and (b) I liked the title.

The book is brilliant.

His view of Christianity and Spirituality is a ton different than most everything I've come across in the past. He's both personal, real and brutally honest in his writing, and seems to have a decent understanding of the general human condition. He definitely presented some ideas worthy of somehow incorporating into my sometimes-seemingly-warped general world view.

As far as I know, the books don't exist in German...

Freaky Deaky Dutch

*checks the calendar*

Is it the end of August yet?

Actually, no, but I want to let everyone know that I'm going to be away until Friday afternoon/evening, so if I don't answer an e-mail or the phone, that's why. No, I'm not going to be institutionalized or admitted into a psych ward (that I know of)... I'm going on my first business trip, which I'm actually rather excited about. A colleague and I will be in Holland (where our European Headquarters are located) conducting a training seminar for one of our Budget-Planing and -Reporting Systems.

Today I test-drove the company Audi we get for the trip... but I still like my Scaramouche better.

Things are slowly getting better, and, like the high majority of the problems I have, it's nothing that can't be solved by a nice mixture of journaling, pondering, chocolate, and mass quantities of mood-elevating Chinese herbs. And time, of course.

One more thought (this is currently a minor-side-issue): if one more person makes one more sexist comment in my presence, I'm going to quit my job, go to Bible College, become a preacher, start my own church, and preach against sexism and how Jesus was actually a radical thinker during his time and saw ALL people as equals.

La la la la

*waves to everyone*

I'm going to take a break from blogging until I get certain aspects of life figured out.

In the past three months (funny how quickly a day turns into a week turns into a month turns into three months) or so, I've been trying to work through some stuff and for some reason things are taking longer than normal to resolve.

For my Dear Readers who regularly read the blog, I'll post an update at the end of August.

That's... all... I... have... to... say... for... now...


Lyric of the Day: "I need an intervention, a touch of providence. It goes beyond religion, to my very circumstance." -thanks to dcTalk

Family Europe Trip, Part 1

And now, folks, here are some pictures as promised. :)

Here are my Darlings in the Airplane...


On one of the first days, we went to Xanten to look at this Windmill where they actually grind the wheat, make flour, then bake fresh bread. Here's Katinka inside the Windmill...


Here I am with my Emita on top of the Windmill.


This is the little shop inside the Windmill where you can buy fresh bread.


Afterwards, we went by Eleanor's and took a walk through their lovely little town.


It was raining a little that afternoon, but we didn't care. We might be sweet, but we're not made out of sugar. :)


To my Dear German Readers: a Windmill might not be that exciting for you guys... but it's definitely something you don't see in the States, which is why we were there. :)

Back to the States and Back to Normal...

Well, my five favourite people in the world made it back safely to the States. Though I'm glad they had a safe trip, I'm not glad they're back home.


*wipes away a (unfortunately very literal and recurring) tear*

My parents have always told me and my sisters, "if you won't do anything about it, then you can't complain about it."

Is this my way of complaining? Maybe.

Am I having a hard time? Yes.

Should I be complaining? Probably not.

Should I do something about it? I don't know. That's the Big Question.

If anyone has any ideas, thoughts or suggestions about what the heck I should do with the rest of my life, I'm open for discussion.

And now for a new and slightly lighter topic: the photos from our trip are taking a while to sort and upload... but I'll be posting some as soon as I can.

I miss my fam.


Lyric of the Day: "All I really want to say is you're the reason I want to stay, but destiny is calling and won't hold. And when my time is up I'm out of here... It often makes no sense, in fact I never understand these things." - thanks to Ben Folds Five

Good-bye for a while...

I've decided to take a break from writing for two primary reasons:

1. I need time to sort some things out and think some things through. Writing an Emo-blog is something I decided early on not to do, but I'd also like my writing to be open and honest. Which means I ought to take a break at this point.

2. My family will finally be here this week and we're going to be out and about much of the time.

If you believe (a) there's a God and (b) He's personal, then you could pray that my family's traveling would be safe, that we'd have a wonderful time together, and that I'd be able to somehow work through all the crap that's going on in my head.

If you don't believe there's some sort of a personal God, or you're not sure, then I challenge you to really spend some time thinking about your beliefs, your life, your purpose and your future. That's the type of thing you really ought to sort out and be sure of before you die.

Most likely until the end of July,
Mary

Choir Weekend

Once again, today feels more like a Picture Day as opposed to a Word Day, so here are some pictures from this weekend. Our Choir spent most of Saturday practicing for a concert we'd like to give in the Fall, and then we sang at our church this morning. As always, click on the photo to make it larger.


Here we are warming up... this is the closest Syd and I come to doing sports.*



Though we don't look that excited, practicing is actually rather fun, and can even be quite hilarious at times.



My favourite Tenor and Bass... :)



Here's Biff starting the grill fire... is this normal? Can I make a generalization and say that the majority of Germans start their grill fires this way? Or is it a Center of the Universe Thing?



Helmut not only has a thing for a certain young lady at church, but for cell phones...



Here's Syd fastening the salad bowl to the tractor - the ride home is pretty bumpy. Yes, I know I shouldn't make fun of him, but sometimes he kind of asks for it. :)



Sunday morning singing at church...



Last but not least, a group photo outside the church...



*swimming with Huckleberry excluded

Halde*

This was taken on a little mountain/hill right outside my town...



*ist das richtig buchstabiert?

What to write... ?

*thinks about what to write*

*eats chocolate*

*writes something extremely negative*

*deletes*

*thinks some more*

*writes something twistedly sarcastic*

*deletes*

*thinks again*

*gazes out the window*

*writes something tragically honest*

*deletes*

*closes her eyes and thinks*

*writes in symbolism*

*deletes*

*eats more chocolate*

*writes something irrelevant and shallow*

*deletes*

*thinks some more*

*gives up*


As many of you know, that's kind of where I am at this point. And not just with the blog. But things are improving.

Thoughts of a Hair-Twirling Brat

I was debating whether or not to even go to church a couple of weeks ago just cause I was so burnt out from everything. But, as I've been taught to make decisions based on what I think is right as opposed to what I feel like, I decided to take a deep breath and go for it. All was well until the following conversation after the sermon with a certain older woman who's notorious for making people run crying out of the building, never to return. 

Lady: "Do you really think you should twirl your hair during the church service?" 

Mary: "Em... I never really thought about it." 

Lady: "Do you do it subconsciously?" 

Mary: "Well... I realize I'm doing it... but..." 

Lady: "So it's deliberate? Do you realize it distracts people?" 

Mary: "Em... no..." 

Lady: "And do you think it's appropriate to sit the way you do?" 

Mary: "Excuse me?" 

Lady: "You sit Indian-style throughout the entire service. Now, I'd understand if a three-year-old would do that, but... how old are you?" 

Mary: "Em... I'm 24..." *hangs her head in shame* 

Lady: *gasp* "24..." 

Mary: "I don't want to discuss this anymore." 

Lady: *starts to talk* 

Mary: "I said, I can't discuss this. And if I feel like twirling my hair, I think I ought to be able to do so."  

Am I a brat? The secret's out, folks: I'm a terribly immature hair-twirling sassy-mouthed brat. But sometimes there's simply no other option. Last time we talked, the issue was my weight. 

Lady: "You look really thin... it's not healthy to be so thin." 

Mary: "I've always been thin... it's just the way I am, and I generally feel healthy." 

Lady: "But SO thin... you even look like you've lost weight." 

Mary: "Maybe I have. Maybe I'm under stress." 

Lady: "What do you eat? Do you eat vegetables?" 

Mary: "No, I hate vegetables. I never eat them." 

Lady: *looks me up and down* 

Mary: "I only eat chocolate... for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Vegetables make me sick." 

Seriously, though... I think there are more important things to criticize me on. If someone's going to criticize or question me, believe me, there are a TON of things you could focus on. Real things. Serious things. Arguably dangerous things. If anyone's interested, let me know and I'll write you a book. But the way I sit in church? Please. It's superficial and shallow and irrelevant and annoying. Yesterday, I was tempted to sit Indian-style. And to even try twirling my hair with both hands. And to maybe even smack gum and pop bubbles during the sermon. But instead I sat all the way in the back and behaved myself.

Limited Internet Access...

Due to lack of internet access, I'm going to be unable to update this blog for a limited, yet unknown, period of time. Hopefully things will be up and running in a week or so.

Also, if you need to get in touch with me, please pick up the phone instead of sending an e-mail.

Thanks...

I miss my friend...

...my dearest friend Esther. She's one of the few people I can really talk with, who knows pretty much everything, and who actually understands things. I think it's because we're both kind of quirky and complicated, have a similar way of thinking and over-analyzing, and have a practically identical communication style.

We met washing our hands in the dorm bathroom our freshman year of college and were both excited to find another girl who's interested in computer science.

But she's in Mexico for the next week or so, and I'm, well, here in Deutschland. *sniff sniff*

On a different note (this is for my Dear German Readers), I finally updated the Church Blog.

Language Observation and Rabbit Trails

Sometimes when I throw in English words into a conversation, people don't understand me. Even when I repeat myself, they sometimes have trouble. Unless I repeat myself with a British accent. Or a German accent.

Why is that?

I know they learn British English in the schools here... but is my English really that difficult to understand?

It's always humorous when people "correct" my English. There are standard English words and phrases that Germans use, which they all mispronounce (but when everyone mispronounces it, it eventually becomes "correct", right?). And when I pronounce something "correctly," they'll sometimes make fun of me and tell me my pronunciation is off, just because it's different (albeit correct) than what they're used to.

Em...

But that's ok - I actually find it rather amusing.

That's all for the Language Realm today...

You know you're a nerd when...

- you're excited to finally learn what Macros are (think: Microsoft Access and Excel), and how to program them.

- the fact that you can apply concepts from your high school logic course to your current job makes you giddy.

- you almost get in a car wreck on the Autobahn while listening to the Brandenberg Concerto and imaginging/pretending/day-dreaming that you're the conductor.

- you find you have a strange attraction to scrawny Marketing/Advertising guys with wire-rimmed glasses and hair-that-your-mother-might-find-too-long, who look like they stepped out of the 70's.

Not that I've experienced any of these things, of course...

Interesting News Article...

US 'terror alert' for Germany

A US media report suggests that US and German officials fear a terror attack against American targets in Germany is in the advanced planning stages.

The report surfaced on ABC News, but US intelligence officials told the BBC they were unaware of any new threat in the last few days.

However, a warning for US citizens to stay vigilant was issued by the US state department two weeks ago.

"Any specificity of target or timing is simply not there," the BBC was told.

Source: BBC News


Hmm. Maybe the non-stop drama, criticism, and frustration does have an end. Though I doubt Neukirchen will be a hot target for terrorists.

Crazy Brits

So... they say "tummy button" instead of "belly button."

And they don't go to the "bathroom", but to the "loo."

And if they don't like something, it's "rubbish."

*tee hee*

Mary vs. Frau Barber vs. Mary-san*

The Art of Direct Address is becoming more complex by the minute! At my former job, it could be complicated at times (think: formal vs. informal "you")... but at my new job, I not only have to deal with German norms and language quirks, but also Japanese norms and idiosyncrasies. I've discovered that there's actually no consistency... it all depends on a myriad of factors including, but not limited to:

- your status (employee, manager, directer, etc.),

- your country (Germany, Holland, England, Japan, etc.),

- your language and its particular norms,

- your familiarity with the addressee,

- the distance you'd like to maintain with the addressee,

- your personal preferences.

Here are some generalizations:

- on the "European Level", everyone generally speaks English and calls eachother by their first name,

- on the "German Level", everyone generally speaks German and says "Mr.", "Ms." or "Mrs." and uses the formal "you,"

- the "Management", including German managers, are generally on a first-name and informal "you" basis with one another.

- the Japanese generally call you by your first name, with the suffix "-san" attached.

The question, of course, is how one ought to apply this conglomeration of rules practically and correctly. Hmm.

The majority of my co-workers call me either "Mary" or "Frau Barber." Certain co-workers avoid speaking directly to me and avoid using "you" at all, as they're not sure whether to use the formal or informal version.** My German boss calls me "Frau Barber." My Japanese boss calls me "Mary-san."

Welcome to the International Business World.


*Sorry if this is boring for you guys... this topic fascinates me for some reason. :)

**That's one thing that's interesting about German - you can carry on a lengthy conversation without even saying "you"... you can replace "you" with "one" or "man." Ah, the delicate art of language.

Ah, life...

Ok, it's Honest Time...

This past week or so has been hard not only for me, but for quite a few people on this side of the world. So much has taken place; lives have been changed; tears have been shed... but, like anything, it's part of life and the only way out is through.

The funeral and surrounding events have brought me to certain realizations both about myself and about life in general. I seriously think it's time to pull the Thinking Shirt out of the closet...

So, that's what's going on lately: lots of thinking, and practically no productive activity.

It's not always easy living alone* and in a foreign** country.



*though I'm rarely alone... and if anything, I need more time just for myself. Gotta love the introversion.

**even though I've been here over a year, there are still many cultural aspects and rules that I'm unaware of, as well as an ever-crumbling language barrier.

Befiehl du deine Wege*

Befiehl du deine Wege und was dein Herze kränkt,
der aller treusten Pflege des, der den Himmel lenkt.
Der Wolken, Luft und Winden gibt Wege, Lauf und Bahn,
der wird auch Wege finden, da dein Fuß gehen kann.

Auf, auf, gib deinem Schmerze und Sorgen gute Nacht!
Lass fahren, was das Herze betrübt und traurig macht.
Bist du doch nicht Regente, der alles führen soll:
Gott sitzt im Regimente und führet alles wohl.

Wohl dir, du Kind der Treue, du hast und trägst davon
mit Ruhm und Dankgeschreie den Sieg und Ehrenkron.
Gott gibt dir selbst die Palmen in deine rechte Hand,
und du singst Freudenpsalmen dem, der dein Leid gewandt.

Mach End, O Herr, mach Ende mit aller unsrer Not;
stärk unsre Füß und Hände und lass bis in den Tod
uns allzeit deiner Pflege und Treu empfohlen sein,
so gehen unsre Wege gewiss zum Himmel ein.

- Paul Gerhardt


This is a favourite German Hymn of mine... it's about the dynamic interaction between you and God: God directing you on this Road That Is Life, and you trusting Him despite trials and frustrations. This is continual process until you one day pass from this life here on earth into eternity...

...how do you want to look back on your life? Wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to look back and say that you truly followed God? That you trusted Him, even when times were hard? That you made the right decisions? That you had a purpose? That your life was meaningful? That you lived for others? That you were content?

Eternity has already started (does it even have a beginning?)... so start living accordingly today.


*sorry, but I'm not in a Translating Mood ;)

Happy Fun Printer (Or, The Fabulously Amazing Site of Tablature!)

Well, my printer has become active once again, for the first time in several weeks... and let me tell you: it's wonderful to be printing guitar chords and tablature as opposed to applications and resumes. Absolutely wonderful.

For those of you who are interested, I've discovered a pretty good website that boasts 250k+ guitar tabs: Ultimate Guitar Tabs Archive. So far, I've been able to find most everything I've searched for, whether it be artist or song.

We're talking everything from the Goo Goo Dolls to the Eagles to Tori Amos to Johnny Cash to Guster to My Boys the Beatles.

Yeah, I admit it... I've developed a new obsession... :)

Sundays...

Today was a lovely day in the Center of the Universe, despite the fact that about half the people (including Bizarro Mom, Syd, Maya and me) are battling a cold.

*achoo*

Speaking of the Universal Center, here's a video from a little while back... now all of my Dear American Readers can experience a tractor ride through the German countryside.

Maya is sitting left of me; Lizzy is sitting across from us; Huckleberry is attacking us with jumper cables, if I recall correctly; and The Little Rascal was driving the tractor (legally, of course).

Enjoy! :)

My skin is thick, darn it.

You seriously have to have thick skin to live in this country. Germans can be so freaking direct (and borderline rude) at times... but at least you generally know where you stand.

Ironically, my publishing this little fact in their country, in response to their behaviour, could be considered both direct and rude... but hey, when in Rome. And I'm slowly learning to give it back, though I still haven't concluded if that's a Good or a Bad Thing.

While on the subject... does anyone else have anything they want to criticize me for? Anything I've screwed up that you'd like to confront me on? Anything dumb I've said or done that you'd like to point out? Any language mistakes you'd like to make fun of? Any general complaints, criticisms, reprimands, or suggestions for improvement?

Work and Play and Lollipops

My poor, forsaken Blog... :)

See what happens when you work in front of a PC the entire day? In the evenings, the last thing you want to do is sit in front of it again... especially when you feel you ought to write something clever.

Excuses, excuses, I know.

Work is going very well - I'm understanding things and am enjoying the work itself. It's also been interesting observing the different corporate cultures between companies. During interviews, and also having worked for two companies (Siemens and Canon), I've had the opportunity to be an observer from a semi-insider perspective.

Well, I felt rather torn today, as I had to give up half-a-day in the Center of the Universe after promising Biff a month or so ago that I'd go to a concert with him. Though it was odd being somewhere else on a Sunday afternoon, there's really not much that beats live music. Germany has such a rich music history... just think about it... the only decent well-known non-German composers are Chopin and Rachmaninoff (Eleanor, do you want to wikipedia this to make sure I spelled it correctly, hehe? Thanks). So many famous composers are German: Mozart, Bach, Tokio Hotel, Beethoven, Wagner, Handel... and the list goes on.

If I believed in re-incarnation, I'd want to return as a window-shattering Prima Donna. Wait, our church doesn't need a Sopranist to shatter windows... the neighborhood miscreants are happy to oblige free of charge.

But that's another story.

Life is generlly going well. Having not worked for multiple months, I've come to appreciate both work and play all the more. Everything is somehow better.

Das Leben ist vielleicht doch ab und zu ein Zuckerschlecken. :)

Opinion Procrastinations and Musical Obsessions

So... there's been quite the debate regarding smoking lately... several people have asked me about my opinion and, honestly, I'm afraid that if I publish it, I'll be ex-communicated from the church.

My opinion is alive and well and written... it's just a matter of whether or not it ought to be published, especially when children are in the audience.

*thinks for a minute*

On a completely different note, I've developed a new obsession, und zwar, playing the Guitar. At Eleanor's the other day, I was sitting outside messing around on the guitar when a friend came by...

Friend: "I'd like to play the guitar... but I can't."
Mary: "Listen to my playing - I can't play either."
Friend: "I'd never sit outside and just play like that... I'd be too embarassed."
Mary: "Eh, you have to start somewhere."

Then Syd, who's never anything but sweet and encouraging came by...

Syd: *starts messing with my guitar* "The guitar keeps squeaking... you have to press the strings tighter."
Mary: "Well, YOU couldn't play it much better."
Syd: "Your MOM couldn't play it much better."

One of the many things I've learned since being here in Germany is that quite a bit is possible - you simply have to do something... you have to have a little confidence and take the necessary step. And if you mess up, that's ok, too.

The pessimistic perfectionist is becoming a smaller and smaller part of my life...

Lord, liar or lunatic?

With Easter approaching, I've been thinking quite a bit about Jesus... specifically, how people (including myself) view him.

Is he God? Is he a prophet? Is he a good man and nothing more? Is he a criminal who deserved to die? There's quite a bit of disagreement when it comes to who he actually is, which is why I think it's important to look at who he says he is. For example, he claims to be God. He claims to be able to forgive people. He accepts worship.

Is that normal? Is that right?

If I were to claim to be God, and claim to be able to forgive people, what would the general reaction be? Would I be taken seriously or would that be more in the diretion of blasphemy and being commited to an insane asylum? Probably the latter...

All that to say... when it comes to Jesus, there are really only three options of who he could be: Lord, liar or lunatic. If his claims are false, that would mean that Jesus is either a lunatic (he made a false claim but believed it) or a liar (he deliberately and vindictively made the false claim). But if his claims are true, that would make him Lord.

There is no way he was simply a "good man." Good men don't claim to be God, don't claim to be able to forgive people's sins, etc. That's what *crazy* people with delusions of grandeur do.

Based on what he's said, I'd argue that he's either a very bad man, or God.

So... if what he says is true, we all have something to think about.

Jesus once asked Simon-Peter, one of his friends, "who do you say that I am?" This is a good question for us today as well. Who do you say that Jesus is? Do you think he was *crazy*? Was he a warm fuzzy prophet? Was he a criminal? Or could it maybe be that he really can forgive us, really can bridge the gap between us and God?

It's almost Easter. The entire Western World is on vacation. This might not be a bad time for us to think about who Jesus really is, and what that means for us.

Smoking, Part II (Translated Comments!)

Well, Tobi and Lizzy left some interesting comments, which I've been kind enough to translate for my Dear American Readers.

:)

Here's what Tobi wrote:

Point 1. Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Smoking is poison (there’s no question about this) and no matter when and how often you smoke, you’re smoking out the Holy Spirit.

2. Nicotine is a drug and an addiction. Even if you only smoke every now and then, the step towards being a regular smoker (be it out of boredom or frustration) is very short. You should prevent such habits.

3. General question: do you want to be a good example for others or not? If I don’t want people or teens or youth to smoke, then I should consistently model this which would mean not smoking, ever.

4. It’s an either – or situation.

5. If you think you’re free, then you also have the freedom to say “no.” Smoking as a habit ties you down.

6. In the Bible, it says that if your behaviour is a hindrance to others, you should refrain. Well, I hate smoking, so your smoking would be a hindrance to me.

7. Smoking isn’t cool. Most people only smoke because of peer pressure. You could eat a candy or an apple or whatever instead.

Hash and marijuana are out of the question; they’re drugs. There are not decent medical values; it only anesthetizes the Holy Spirit. In the Bible, it says that you should have a pure spirit, even in pain. Look at how Jesus suffered; our pain is nothing in comparison.

Jesus didn’t smoke and wouldn’t smoke; he wasn’t into pleasure – He was here to save us. He kept his spirit pure and wasn’t distracted by smoking.

And here's what Lizzy wrote:

I totally agree with Tobi! I’ve never touched a cigarette and never plan to! Even though some friends of mine smoke, it hasn’t been hard for me to refrain because I think it’s disgusting!! It stinks, your eyes tear, it’s too expensive, etc.! When it comes to hash and marijuana, it’s the same story. I’ve never touched it and never will. I agree with Tobi!!

There’s also hookah. I wouldn’t count that as a drug, but in principle you can put it in the same category as cigarettes. You smoke it every now and then, but if you smoke it too much, you can become addicted (not as fast as with cigarettes, but when you’re addicted, it’s just as hard to break the habit!), which is why I think that what Tobi wrote about cigarettes also applies to hookah. I think you should keep your fingers away! It’s hard to prove whether hookah is more or less damaging than cigarettes… the only “advantage” is maybe that it doesn’t taste so disgusting. Another advantage might be the fact that you smoke in comfy little groups with friends/family. But these are the only advantages!

Hmm...

What (if anything) Would Jesus Smoke?

This is a serious question, folks. What do you guys think?

Would he smoke at all? If so, what? A pipe every now and then? A pack of cigarettes a day? Marijuana, but only for medical purposes? Hookah with his disciples after a long hard day of work?

Several of us were discussing this last night and there was a slight difference of opinion. I'd like to know what some of my Dear Reader's thoughts are and then (maybe) I'll publish my opinion.

:)

Girl's Night and Lists :)

A few weeks ago, My Favourite Girls* came over for a Girl's Night, which included Girl Talk, a movie**, face masks and looking at pictures. :)

Another thing we did that might especially interest my Dear Single Readers was write a List of characteristics we'd like in a future spouse. For all of you who have experienced even a taste of love (be it "true love" or not), you have to agree that this is a good idea. Why? Because when you're in love with someone, you tend to only see the rosy side of things, which means it's good to objectively think things through in advance.

Which is what we did. And we even read through Proverbs 31 to see what kind of women we should be. *thinks for a while*

Anyway.

If you don't have a List, I'd highly recommend that you start one. You can make it as simple or as complicated as you want.

The Simple List, for example, might only include the absolute-basic-must-haves... such as similar beliefs or similar interests.

The Complicated List, for example, might include not only the absolute-basic-must-have, but also nice-to-haves or absolutely-cannot-haves.

You also don't have to complete it in one sitting. It's a thought process more than anything else. I started mine while in high school and have added to it throughout the years as I've met different people.

Nobody's perfect, including your future spouse... which means we shouldn't expect to find exactly the person described in our List. It's simply a good way of objectively and concretely thinking things through and evaluating a person or situation regardless of any feelings we might have.

So... back to Girl's Night. I know you'd all like to see pictures of us with Quark*** and cucumbers on our face, but I promised not to post them, so you'll have to do without. Maybe next time. :)



*you know who you are!

**A Walk to Remember... yeah, several of us were, em, bawling. Including me - I'm becoming my mother!!!

***similar to joghurt, but thicker and unsweetened

Job Description

Well, several people have asked about my new job and what I'll be doing... so here goes: I'll be working as a financial analyst of sorts in the Finance Department. We're responsible for managing the expenses on our Location, which is primarily Sales and Service (no Production, that is). My primary task will be cost center controlling (budgeting, forecasting, reporting) and my secondary task will be supporting the Business Unit controllers in various upcoming projects.

It was a good, but difficult first week.

Thoughts after the first two days of work...

- If you go to bed at 9 PM as opposed to 1 AM, it's much easier to wake up in the morning.

- Re-piercing my nose every night kinda hurts... but I should probably let a few more weeks pass before showing up with my lovely little nose stud.

- From the 5th story, you have quite a view when the clouds roll in and the rain pours down.

- Driving through traffic can even be interesting when you have Swing Music CDs and children's casettes such as 3 vom Ast to listen to (thanks Huckleberry!)

- Change, uncertainty, stress and being tired tend to bring out bad habits... but cold weather has a way of ending them.

- I'd rather climb a tree than a corporate ladder.

The past half-a-year and the future...

While driving over the Rhein on the Autobahn the other day, I realized once again just how lovely it is here.

And, thanks to a pending work contract, I might just be able to stay here for a little while longer.

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR YOUR PRAYERS, SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT!!!

In the past half-a-year or so, I've lived through quite a bit... and had I known the events which were to unfold, I probably would have stayed closer to my parents and taken a somewhat "safer" route. But, thank goodness, we're unable to know the future, so I took a (what I'm slowly realizing was rather drastic) step and landed not only in Europe, but in the Center of the Universe itself.

The past half-a-year has been both a difficult time and a time of learning... I'm not sure why things happened the way they did, but many things we'll only understand wayyy post-facto.

Sometimes I wish I could see into the future... why? It's a mixture of curiosity and the desire to somehow mentally prepare for All That Is To Come. But then again... if I knew, I'd probably (a) freak out (b) make different decisions and (c) not focus enough on the present, on what I ought to be doing now.

*shrugs her shoulders*

Diving and Decision-Making

While at the pool with Mariposa, Huckleberry and Maya the other day, a lifeguard made an interesting statement. Maya was a little afraid of jumping off the high-dive, so we decided to climb up there together. As this wasn't allowed, one of the lifeguards approached us, told me to climb down, and then told Maya that you have to take the most important steps in life on your own.

You have to take the most important steps of life on your own.

Hmm... I'm not too sure about this. He was right in the sense that only you can control what you do, the steps you take, the direction in which you go, and whether or not you jump. But on the other hand, especially in difficult times, you might, for whatever reason, be incapable of taking certain steps. You might just need someone there to take your hand, encourage you and help you.

Looking back on my life, there are about four or five major decisions/ steps/ changes that have occurred. Some were a result of personal initiative and taking steps on my own. But others were a result of someone helping me, and I know that had they not helped, I wouldn't have taken the necessary step.

So.

What do you guys think? Are you more the type who will throw yourself off the diving board, or do you need a little push? Why? How do you make decisions and take action?

It's something to think about.

This might be someone for you girls, hmm?

Here's a guy who won't mess with your mind, manipulate you, do stupid things or break your heart!

:)

Sevelner Sunday

As promised, here are a couple of videos from our Tree-Climbing-And-Singing-Adventure last Sunday.

In this first video, everyone was singing "Lame Man." The Little Rascal is playing the guitar and Huckleberry is sitting on the right. Unfortunately the sound is off - must've been a problem with the uploading.




Well, the Beatles and Alanis Morissette officially have competition for my all-time favourite music group - check out this Musical Trio. :) I was showing Mariposa this video the other day, and we were laughing so hard we were crying (well, I was, at least). The best part is Sydney's Grand Whistling Finale. He takes his music very seriously, as you're about to see. :)

Pictures of my Favourite Kiddos :)

Here are some great Youth-Group Group-Photos, which should give you an idea of what my Favourite Kiddos are like. As always, click on the picture to make it larger.


Here we are around Christmas Time...


This was taken at Hohegrete one lazy Sunday afternoon.


Here I am with some of my favourite girls at IKEA.


This was taken during our tractor tour yesterday... we ended up not only climbing in the trees, but also singing in the trees. The guys even composed a lovely blues song for us girls. There are videos, but before posting I have to get approval from everyone. :)

I love my Kiddos!

Interview... please pray!

Today I had an interview and it went very well, which was encouraging, as I'm seriously starting to lose my mind here.

So, to those of you who pray, please pray; those of you who think positive thoughts, please think positive thoughts.

It'd be really nice for something to work out. Really nice. Especially before the voices get louder and the colours get brighter.

Hand-Knit Psychadellic Socks!

This weekend, Eleanor gave Bizarro Mom and me some hand-knit socks, knit by Eleanor, the Master Knitter, herself. She's so good that she can simultaneously knit without looking, listen to a sermon, talk and eat chocolate. Talk about talent. :)


Aren't they lovely?

On Improv Jazz Lessons and Music

Last Tuesday, I had my third Improvisational Piano Lesson, which was as fascinating as the first couple of lessons. Entirely new doors are being opened up in the Music Realm.

With classical lessons, the goal is to play exactly what's on the page. Playing forte instead of piano, refusing to play staccato, adding notes, removing notes, changing the rhythm, etc. is unacceptable.

But this time, during my first lesson, Fernando asked me what types of songs I want to play, how I want to play, and how I want to sound. *scratches her head* Basically, everything's open. Craziness. This week he brought me only the melody of a song and we worked on filling in the jazz chords. He showed me a couple of different ways I could play the piece...

Fernando: "Eh, play whatever chord you want... depends on what you like and what you feel like."
Mary: "Wow, ok. I think I like Amaj7 better than A7."
Fernando: "Me too... though there's really no wrong way to play it."

There's no wrong way. And in jazz, you don't even stick exactly with the original melody.

How can something so technical be so beautiful?

Improv reminds me of mathematical formulas, in a way: you have your basic note and chord patterns and scales, and when you follow these certain patterns and progressions, you end up with a lovely piece of music. All you need is to know the code and how/when/where to apply it. It's as if beauty can be broken down into mathematical-esque formulas.

Hohegrete

It's nice when patterns develop and the Unknown slowly becomes the Known, which is what happened this weekend when I went to Hohegrete for the second time. Last year was great, as was this year.

Here are some high-lights from this year (if you're not sure who someone is, check out the List of Characters):

- getting to know everyone even better

- good talks with various people

- having strangers ask Bizarro Mom and Mr. P if I'm their daughter and having them kind of look at eachother, consider it for a moment, then answer with a semi-yes. :)

- taking walks through the woods

- taking a looong walk with Daisy into a neighboring town, which included fighting our way through private gardens, muddy fields, raging rivers, tunnels, and strange people-less neighborhoods, all in the dark of night. :)

- knitting a scarf with Eleanor

- building a campfire and singing praise songs with Huckleberry, Daisy and the Little Rascal

- interesting, practical seminars

- laughing hysterically about everything from the youth's crazy shenanigans to Eleanor's off-the-wall comments to Bizarro Mom's table manners (or lack thereof). :)

- taking black-mail photos, muahahaha!

- noticing that my age and my immaturity are inversely related... that is, being more immature and free and playful than I've ever been in my entire life. I guess I have to somehow make up for that paranoid-stressed-out-self-conscious child/teenhood.

- observing people and realizing how important body language and the way you carry yourself is in communication

- having excellent examples of God-following-and-fearing people

- sneaking away to play the piano

- finally matching names and faces


Unfortunately, there were a couple of negatives this year as well...

- excruciating stomach ache due to multiple causes

- the fact that Syd stayed home to study and such... even though we missed you, you made the right decision. :)


'Twas a lovely weekend; I'm truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.

When you wish upon a star...

I think I might have seen a shooting star* this evening while standing outside on the balcony. A little something shimmered, streaked downwards, trailed for a second, then disappeared. It all happened so quickly that I didn't really even have time to make a wish.

Can you wish upon a star post-facto? Is that allowed?

I decided to give it a try, but then I couldn't decide what to wish for, as there are about two or three current wishes (plus, I'm horrible at decision making). After pondering a moment and attempting to somehow prioritize my wishes, I realized it was most likely too late by now; the star had died out a few minutes ago. Or, a few weeks/ months/ years/ whatever ago, depending upon how far away it was.

What if the actual time of shooting was last summer, when I used to make wishes on dandelions* when no one was looking? Wouldn't it be a strange coincidence if the shooting star shined its last shimmer just as I watched the last dandelion seed dance away in the summer wind? Maybe those summer wishes will count double and come true after all. :)

Do you have to wish upon a star at the actual point it shoots, or at the point where you see it shoot? Because there's quite a time difference there, though time is relative.

*shrugs her shoulders*


*Sternschnuppe
**Pusteblume

The Boy Update Post (or, Aidlinger Schwestern, Here I Come!)

Guys STRESS ME OUT!!!

Mariposa is currently studying and living with a well-known group of German nuns, the Aidlinger Schwestern, and I'm seriously thinking that becoming a nun is a decent idea. Here are the benefits:

- nuns don't have guy drama

- guys generally don't stalk nuns

- nuns live together

- nuns are like communists, except better

- nuns don't have to worry about what they wear

Liz*: "Mary, we just need to get away from guys."
Mary: "I know! Sometimes I want to pull my hair out!"
Liz: "All of this is just BLAH! Paul was right."
Mary: "Yeah, we should start a Nunnery."
Liz: "Having a Significant Other can distract us from GOD."
Mary: "Can I start calling you Sister Lizzy?"
Liz: "Yes! I like the Nunnery idea. My new motto is, 'No Boys, No Problems.'"
Mary: "I once saw 'Boys are mean. Throw rocks at them.' on a t-shirt."
Liz: "I'm going to get a bull-dozer and get a huge stone to throw at them! A boulder!"
Mary: "YEAH! Me too! Or I'll bake a nice Arsenic Cake."
Liz: "When I think about us girls doing girly stuff together, I feel better."
Mary: "Yeah... too bad we're so far away from eachother now..."

I'm going to start a Nun Revolution, baby! I'm going to be the craziest, most eccentric nun ever. I'm going to be a jazz-piano-playing-Jesus-loving-hookah-smoking-bilingual nun with an amethyst nose stud. Make way, Aidlinger Schwestern, here I come!!!


*my old roomie's younger sister, who's also one of my dearest friends :)

All you need is Music*

The more experience I have with music, the more I realize just how lovely, important and powerful it is. For exapmle, it has a way of bringing people together, of evaporating barriers between people, of bridging the generation gap.

A perfect example was at Huckleberry and Mariposa's grandparents' house last weekend. There was a certain song their Grandma really wanted me to play, which I managed to learn rather spontaneously. As she was singing it, I think she even had tears in her eyes. The power of music and lyrics never ceases to amaze me.

The other day at church, I was amazed by the intelligent conversation I had with an 11 year old about music and such. He's been taking piano lessing for a while and plays classical music absolutely beautifully, but his mother wants him to be able to improvise. So, we talked and shared stories about piano lessons, practicing, motivation, and the general direction in which he wants to develop. An 11 year old!

Friday afternoons, I'll usually play the piano at church when the kids are having youth group. They'll often stop by and talk with me or ask me to play a certain song or simply listen. Some of the kiddos are pretty rough-around-the-edges with your typical "cool" facade, but they'll come and talk or hang out with me when I'm playing the piano.

All that to say... music has a way of connecting people and bringing them together and it's wonderful.


*sung to the tune of All you need is Love by the Beatles :)

The Adventures of Huckleberry, Scaramouche and Mary

Sunday evening was seriously one of the craziest and funniest evenings ever. After visiting Mariposa in southern Germany this weekend, what should have been a 4.5 hour drive home with Huckleberry turned into a 7-or-so hour crisis. 'Twas but a fun and entertaining crisis.

It all started out peaceful and innocent enough... driving through the lovely German country side, talking, eating chocolates and listening to music. By the way, The White Stripes is probably the only band whose sound is actually improved when listened to on old, trashed-out car speakers. But when we decided to switch drivers at the next gas station, Scaramouche wouldn't start up. After trying practically everything possible, including being helped by a mechanic with jumper cables, Huckleberry wiggled a few cables around and she miraculously started.

Normal people would have simply driven home at this point; the story should have ended here. But are we normal? And did it end here? No and nooooooo. Of course not. :)

Huckleberry: "We're getting close to Siegburg, where I was in the military last year... do you want to see the barracks?"
Mary: "Yeah, definitely." *thinks it'd be interesting to compare it to Paris Island, where Dad was in the military*
Huckleberry: "It'll be about a ten minute detour."
Mary: "Ten minutes... that's not bad. We have time."

Ten minutes. Hahaha. Little did we know.

Instead of simply driving by the barracks and looking, we took a detour from our detour and drove to a place called Michael's Platz Berg, which is on top of a little mountain where you can look out over the city. Scaramouche made it up the mountain; we wandered around and looked down at the city; it was all fun and lovely until we got back to the car...

Huckleberry: *looks at me with a funny face* "Oooh, the car won't start."
Mary: "Stop it! That's not a joking matter."
Huckleberry: "No, it really won't start."
Mary: "Das Leben..."

The first time Scaramouche acted up, we were at a nice, lit-up gas station and could easily get help... but this time, we were at the top of some semi-secluded mountain; his cell phone battery was practically dead; I had 88 Euro Cents on my cell phone; and wiggling the cables around didn't seem to help.

We managed to roll the car part-way down the hill under a lamppost, and thanks to Mr. E, we knew approximately what had to be done. At one point I was even under the car, tinkering around, while the motor was running (Dad, are you proud or what??). Huckleberry decided to give it one last try, but when things started sparking, metal pieces started flying, and it looked like he was electrocuting himself, I kind of freaked out and told him we ought to call it an evening.

Huckleberry: "Looks like we're going to have to take the train home... but trains are fun."
Mary: "Ok, let's get the important stuff out of the car..."
Huckleberry: "And let's roll it to a legal parking space..."
Mary: "But first, let's try to turn it on once more."
Huckleberry: "Sure, why not?" *turns the key in the ignition*
Scaramouche: "I'M ALIVE!"

Yes, she started up again. Just like that. It was the strangest thing.

This time, however, we unanimously decided not to stop the car... no matter how many interesting sights there were to see on the way home.

When we reached the Moers-Huelsdonk Exit*, which looked especially bright and beautiful that evening, he suggested we drive around a little more just for fun, but it was pushing 1 AM, the CD was coming to an end, and we were both pretty dirty and tired.

'Twas quite the adventure.

Here are some pictures... enjoy. :)









*our exit for Neukirchen-Vluyn

Back home!

Well, Huckleberry and I made it home after visiting Mariposa in southern Germany this weekend. And it was a miracle that we made it home. I really ought to get some sleep, so I'll write about our little adventure later... but here's what it involved, to give you a preview:

- jumper cables

- really dirty (and cold) hands

- Huckleberry almost getting electrocuted

- lots of laughing

Hehe, life is never dull here.

Sad Duesseldorf Experience and Thoughts on the current work situation in Germany

I had an interview in downtown Duesseldorf* today and had quite a sad experience.

As background information, let me just say that the general work situation here is very different from that of the States. German employees are more protected than American employees in the sense that it's difficult for an employer to lay someone off. Because of these employee protection laws, employers are much more reluctant to actually hire people because they know that once someone's on board, it's next to impossible to get rid of them. Although it's much more difficult to find a job here than in the States, at least you know that when you do have a job, you're relatively secure. Ok... my situation is different** in that the company went bankrupt and doesn't exist anymore. But as long as the company exists, it must take care of its employees.

As a result, there's been a practically exponential growth of temp-agencies*** over the past decade or so. Of course, this is great for the employer: they can test people out before hiring them or can hire someone temporarily. And it's great for the temp-agencies, as they deduct a hefty chunk of your salary. And for your Average Jobless Joe? Not so good, folks. He's gets a temporary position and earns half his salary.

Back to the sad moment in Duesseldorf today. With my suit and high-heels, I must've looked half-way grown-up and professional because I was approached by a sad-looking and somewhat shabby lady.

Lady: "Excuse me, mam?"
Mary: "Yes...?"
Lady: "I'm looking for work... do you need help with cleaning or taking care of your household?"
Mary: *not sure if she's heard correctly* "Excuse me?"
Lady: "I'm just looking for work and am wondering if you have anything I could do."
Mary: "I'm sorry, but I really don't..."
Lady: "Do you have sweet children? I could help take care of your children."
Mary: "No, I'm sorry, I don't... I don't have any work..."
Lady: "I'm just a musician, looking for something else to do as well..."
Mary: "I'm sorry... I can't help... I'm really sorry."

What do you say in a situation like that?

I was so taken aback that all I did was apologize.

When thinking about it later, I realized how deceiving outer appearances can be. She assumed I was older, had things together, was somehow established, had a house, maybe had kids, would be able to hire someone, could somehow give her a job. No! Wrong! Just because I can parade around in a stupid stuffy suit in the downtown business area doesn't mean I have things together. Not at all. I'm young (well, age is relative), don't have things together, am not established, am frequently confused, am not a homeowner, don't have kids, don't have the means to hire someone, and am looking for work myself.

I wanted to give her a hug and tell her that we're on exactly the same level and that I wasn't actually on my way to work, but on my way to another interview... but I was so taken aback and then she disappeared. So I just stood there and could have kicked myself.

Life is so freaking sad and weird sometimes.



*a huge German city with an international airport, about 35 km away from my little town

**as always... me and my situations being weird/different... the Story of my Life. But hey, at least it's rarely boring.

***Zeitarbeitsfirmen, Personalberatungsfirmen

Improv Jazz Piano! (Or, Ode to Chopin)

Well, it looks like I'm going to be taking improv jazz piano lessons, believe it or not! Today, several people who are interested in piano lessons met with the piano teacher, and it went pretty well. He said that to improvise, it's best to have a solid classical background, which is what I'd like to think I have. So... there's some hope here.

The teacher... let's call him Fernando ... seems like a pretty laid-back and decent Kerl. When he first played a few improv pieces, I honestly wasn't that impressed, probably because I'm used to Syd's chaotically beautiful compositions. We'll give Fernando the benefit of the doubt, though.

But I was definitely impressed with some of his classical playing... his runs are very professional... one particular classical piece was primarily comprised of complicated runs and he played it extremely smoothly and gracefully (think: no pauses, unecessary volume changes, skipped notes, weird intonations, etc), which can be quite difficult.

And then... he said that his favourite composer is... Chopin!

*jumps up and down*

I remember sitting in my bedroom as a little girl, listening to a cassette of his preludes and just crying and crying... first, because it was so beautiful and second, because I thought I'd never in my life be able to play a Chopin piece.

Anyway.

He played a bit of a Nocturne, which was a lovely piece. Though I was hoping for one of the wild etudes or preludes. Eh, maybe next time.

Lessons are going to start this coming week, and I'm curious and excited to see how things turn out. This could open up an entirely new door in Pallas Athena's Blissful World of Music.

Ah, my man Freddie. If he were alive and touring, I'd be a totally pathetic groupie.


Ode to Chopin

There was once a composer named Freddie
With music romantic and lovely
He composed and he wrote
The most gorgeous of notes
But alas, I will ne'er be a groupie.

Home Videos...

*sigh*

Here are a couple of videos that are actually more for my Dear German Readers, as most of my Dear American Readers know my family and have been in my house already...

This first one shows the general lay-out of our house. You can see Emita playing Pride and Prejudice music on the piano, which was absolutely beautiful. The video doesn't quite capture it. :) Mom was working in the kitchen and Kat was upstairs wrapping Christmas presents.





In this one, Tiny didn't realize I was taping... thus the strange pose. And no matter how much my sisters try to say "Neukirchen", they can't pronounce it correctly. :)





This was taken by Mom at Emita's house... she and her roommates have this strange shelf-thing that you can crawl behind. We both managed to squeeze behind there, and Mom taped us crawling back out. It's silly, but it's fun. :) And yes, that's Kenny rolling his eyes at us in the background.



No, just because I published these doesn't mean I'm still homesick. As a matter of fact, I've been in an abnormally positive and upbeat state lately. There's been quite a bit going on (in reality as well as mentally, though sometimes it's difficult to differentiate between the two realms)... but things are looking more positive. In a non-brainwashed or drug-induced way, which is also good. :)

Please

Please grant me wisdom, pure and bright,
That I might grasp Your heart's delight
And wisely execute Your plan,
Disregarding Self's demands.

Please give me strength to trust and wait,
To know that You control my fate.
I'll play my piece as best I can,
But recognize You're in command.

Please grant me peace with the Unknowns,
And What's-to-Comes and Whys and Whens
And Speculations and What-Ifs
And Whos and Wheres that never end.

Please let my eyes see only You,
Transfixed on beauty, power, truth,
A life engaged and present-living,
Balanced with eternal-thinking.

Please help me, Love, to love You only,
Truly, purely and completely,
Oblivious to pools and mirrors
Of self-absorption, wants and fears.

Random Thoughts and Observations and Updates

Yesterday, I installed a new finance program on my computer. It's like Shelby Systems (the system used by my Texas church) but in German!

I have a new Project... we'll just call it Finance Project X. :)

Some people are pack-rats to the extent of needing serious psychological intervention. We're talking about dirt everywhere. Multiple washing machines. Hundreds of glass bottles. 20 years worth of glass bottles. Horrid smells. Floods of newspapers from decades gone by. Church pews. If you can help it, please be clean and throw stuff away.

Did you guys know that kiwis grow on trees and have stems?

Saturday evening was another typical evening in the Center of the Universe... sitting on the kitchen floor, eating chocolate and kiwis, and talking about random things such as feet and the German Constitution.

I miss Mariposa.

Syd has gotten ruder and ruder. For example , he told me that if the Torte I'd just made had been on a cooking show, it would have failed. And he suggested I was deaf (well how about YOU try listening to multiple people simultaneously talk to you in a foreign language... though German is slowly becoming a not-so-foreign-language). But I still like him. :)

For the first time in a very long time, I felt like Jesus was somehow speaking directly to me. So much so that I, em, kind of broke down in tears. But they weren't necessarily sad tears.

One of the many things I love about life here is the fact that the environment itself seems to foster learning.

Huckleberry broke one of my plates and turned it into a lovely piece of artwork, which is now hanging in the kitchen.

"Sahnesteif", a recent discovery I've made, is a a type of powder you can mix into whipping cream to prevent it from turning runny so quickly. And it really works.

I realized this weekend how lovely classical music is and how much I miss playing it...

Rock covers of traditional hymns are awesome... until you try to immitate them right after the church service when the elderly folks are trying to drink their coffee in peace and quiet and you get scolded by Eleanor. :)

I've been sorting and reading through old journals (am almost done with 1998) and there's some crazy stuff in there. It's weird seeing what/how I thought nine years ago when I was 14 years old... and ironically enough, there are some thought patterns and themes that have continued with me until this day...

One thing I've always loved about our church is the fact that it's like a huge family... one day I'll be all goofy and immature w/ the youth; the next day I'll be invited to an elderly couple's house to play their organ and have an elegently gourmet dinner; and the next day I'll do something "normal" with people closer to my own age. :)

My dearest Texas friend is now dating someone, which is odd because as long as I've known her she's been single. And he's 4.5 years younger than she is...

The hotel I lived in when I first moved here is still up and running. Our Post-Choir-Drinking-Group enjoyed wine and cappuccino there yesterday evening.

This week has been encouraging and things are looking more upbeat and positive.

I still don't have a job.

The authorities are still trying to decide what to do with me and my living permit.

The world is actually rather small, life is rather short, and eternity is rather long... so there's really no reason to freak out.

Driver's Licenses (plural!!)

*cackles an evil laugh*


I'd like to relay the following message to the German Government:

NA NA NA NA NA NA!

And the following message to My Mamita:

Thank you! I love and miss you!

Mailbox of DOOM

Over the last several months, I've developed a deep hatred for my mailbox. It started with a few job rejection letters here and there. Ok. Not a huge deal.

But then there are the other letters...

For example, I received a letter from my insurance company back in the day.

Letter: Frau Barber, this is a letter warning you that we're going to extract 700+ Euros from your bank account for car insurance in the coming month. Just to give you a heads-up."
Mary: "WHAT?? I've been biking to work, drenched in sweat (and occasionally rain) for the past three months cause I don't even have my driver's license. And now you're telling me I have to pay INSURANCE?!?"

Then there was the lovely letter from BenQ.

Letter: Frau Barber, though you've already been told by your boss that you're out of a job, and though you moved all your crap out of the office yesterday, this letter is being sent to you so that you have an official written notice for your personal files. You're fired."
Mary: *sniff sniff*

At the beginning of January, I received a letter from some lawyer in Munich about Insolvency. Like I can afford a lawyer. Well, maybe I could if car insurance weren't so freaking expensive...

Two days ago, I received a letter from the Foreigner's Office.

Letter: "Frau Barber, we originally gave you three years on your visa, but because you're out of a job, we're going to have to shorten your visa.* Please contact us as soon as possible."
Mary: "As if things aren't frustrating and discouraging enough, now I have Big Brother stalking me. LEAVE ME ALONE DARN IT."

I guess it could be worse. Instead of a threatening letter I could have received a knock on my door from an Evil Government Spawn of Hades with a tranquilizer gun, a straight jacket, and a ticket back to the States.



*kick you out of the country

On Family and Replacements

I miss my family... and people are always surprised that I live here "alone."

Guy: "Do you have any relatives or family here?"
Mary: "Em, no..."
Bizarro Mom: "You have ME!!!"
*gives me a hug*
Mary: "Right, my Ersatz-mama!"
Syd: "Mary has three families... her Texas Family, her German Replacement Family and her International Spiritual Christian Family."
Mary: "Hmm, true..."
Huckelberry: *continues punching holes in a notecard*

I think I miss my family so much because I was recently home... and because they're such kind, loving, normal people.

As you can see in this picture, my dad and I have a very gentle, loving, healthy relationship.


Katinka is always so proper and lady-like...


You'll definitely see the sisterly resemblance between me and my Emita in the next two pictures:



As Bizarro dropped me off at the airport before Christmas, we had the following exchange:

Mary: "I'm really going to miss you guys over Christmas..."
Bizarro: "But you have good replacements."
Mary: "Wait, who's replacing whom?"

Is it possible to have a Replacement Family for a Replacement Family?

Youth: "Syd, please play the piano so we can sing!"
Syd: "No, let's sing without the piano this time..."
Youth: "Please! Please! Please!"
Syd: "I don't want to... and what are you guys going to do when I'm gone next year?"
Youth: "Mary will play. You're REPLACEABLE."

Which is absolutely false. No one is replaceable. No person, no family, no one.

When I'm in Germany, I miss my family. When I'm in Texas, I realize how much I love and miss everyone here.

So ist das Leben.

Christmas 2006 Photos!

Yes, photos from Christmas have finally been sorted through and uploaded! Hope you all enjoy them. As always, click on the picture to make it larger.

Three of the dearest people on the Planet...



Here's Kenny hanging up Christmas lights on the side of our house...



This is our Texas house by night (good job, Kenny!).



And here's our Texas house by day! Yeah, that's Tiny practicing her modeling pose on the front walkway.



Mamita was ironing something in the kitchen. See the lovely new wooden floors and the green walls? Back in the day when I lived at home, we had tiled floors and wallpaper with light pink and blue flowers.



Me and my Mamita...



This was taken from the back of the auditorium of my Texas church, to give you an idea of what it looks like inside.



Here's what a typical Texas intersection looks like... my Dad refers to it as a "Spaghetti Junction." This particular intersection actually has five levels. Krazy Amis.



We visited my sister Emita's house and here we are behind this weird built-in-the-wall-shelf-thing.



Here she is playing the piano at the Student Center at her University, my alma mater. We need to have another Pride and Prejudice night...



Katinka was on the phone and Tiny's just plain weird...



Isn't Inkie cute?

That's all, Folks.

I miss my fam...

Blog Thoughts for my Dear Readers

Yes, folks, it's that time again: Blog Update Post Time!

I've been thinking about some things and would like to make the following known:

This blog is open to The Public. "The Public" could be defined as the entire internet population - wackos, sleuths, hackers and angel-eyed innocents (like moi) included.

Not to scare anyone... but if your picture is in my blog, it's available to The Public.

The same is true for your name.

I will thus change all real-life names on this blog to code names.


If you, my Dear Readers, ever have a problem with anything I've written in this blog, including but not limited to

use of your name (real or code name)

use of a picture of you

use of a video of you

hinting about you

any other content

please let me know and I will immediately make the necessary changes (unless you're on my bad side and I'm certain that you lack the drive and power to sue me).

I've included many of you in this blog without your permission and in the next several days/weeks, as I see you all live-and-in-person, I'll try to ask you one-on-one if you're ok with the direction of the blog and the fact that you might be in it. :)

This blog is about life in Germany from an American's perspective. As you all know, much of my life here includes other people, which makes it practically impossible not to include many of you.

To re-iterate: please let me know if you have a problem with anything I've posted... I can change/delete/update anything.

Your faithful and zealous Blog-writer,

Pallas Athena (my new code name)

Contradictory Advice

"The job market in Germany is horrible... it's practically impossible to find a job."

"Of course you'll find a job... I'm not worried at all about you."

"You probably won't find a job in Financial Analysis because you didn't actually study it."

"Sure you'll find a job in Financial Analysis... you have experience! You just have to be confident, prove you're the right person, and be willing to learn."

"You eat way too much chocolate."

"You don't eat enough; you're too skinny."

"Germany is so far away from home... are you sure you still want to live there?"

"You're in exactly the right location."

"Isn't it about time for a haircut? Maybe even a pixie cut?"

"Don't cut your hair - it looks good when it's longer."

"Stop playing the piano... I can't hear the television."

"Of course your piano playing isn't annoying! What makes you think that?"

"Are you still interested The Boy Unnamed? Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you'd have gotten together with him?"

"It's good that you ran away from The Boy Unnamed."

"Don't you ever marry a German! You need to come straight home and marry a white boy."

"You ought to marry a German so you can stay in Germany."

"Good heavens! Why are you living in Europe? I would never do such a thing!"

"I wish I had lived overseas when I was younger... what a great experience."


Anyone out there ever feel, um, torn? Confused? Frustrated? Bombarded with contradicting advice, all from people you love and respect?


*screams and punches a hole in the wall*

Back in Neukuchen* (Or, Thoughts on Death and the New Year)

You know you're in Germany when... people unabashedly put on deoderant in open public places, when straight men cross their legs and apply chapstick in public, and when cigarette smoke lingers and follows you no matter where you are and whether or not you yourself smoke.

:)

Anyway.

I made it back safely and soundly and was happy to see Bizarro Mom (THANK YOU!) at the airport.

It's a new year. 2007. It seems that just yesterday I was preparing an informative speech for my Rhetoric Class on Y2K and the anticipated problems of the two-digit date format in computer programs. Now, seven years later, instead of pondering potential end-of-the-world issues, I'm pondering actual real-world issues.

As the plane went through some turbulence on my flight today, I had a bizarre and fleeting thought that it'd actually be kinda nice if it went down. Maybe not nice nice... but I'd be ok with it. No job hunting. No interviews. No being torn between worlds. No over-analyzing things and driving myself crazy.

I'm not that old, but I've seen and done quite a bit and could probably die decently happy at this point.

Is that morbidity? Is that contentment? Or perhaps discontentment? Or something else? *scratches her head and thinks*

The good thing about Christian spirituality is that you can always start over. As a matter of fact, it's all about fresh starts and forgiveness.

It's a new year. 2007. No matter what you've done from the moment you were born until December 31, 2006, you can start over on January 1, 2007. And if you screw up on January 1, 2007, then you can start over on January 2, 2007. And if you screw up at, say, noon on January 1, 2007, you can start over at 12:01 on January 1, 2007.

Life is a race, and it's about looking forward. A speaker once said that past failures lead to future paralysis... and past successes lead to future complacency.

*chew chew chew*

It's true, though, isn't it? So, I hope everyone looks forward this year... starts over from this moment on (if necessary... but then again, don't we all have things with which we ought to start afresh?)... runs a new and focused race.

It's a new year. 2007. Think about it, please.

To finish the story, the plane didn't go down; it landed safely and smoothly in the lovely town of Duesseldorf. Which evidently means I'm supposed to be alive for now and keep pushing forward in the Craziness that is Life. *shrugs her shoulders* Ok, can do.

It really was great being with my family.

*blows five disgustingly wet and sloppy smooches across the Atlantic Ocean*


*Tiny and Emita's pronunciation of Neukirchen, my city