Tired

It's about 23:00 and I just got home from work. We're talking about a 15 hour day today.

The combination of analyzing numbers, skipping meals, and binge-drinking coffee isn't helping the general situation here, either.

I kind of need a hug. But I guess all the normal people are safely at home, asleep in their beds, while I'm out carousing the A-57 and analyzing everything from allocation cost cycles to unanswered life questions.

Blue like What? (Or, Book Recommendations)

I've officially got a new... I don't even know what to call it. A hero? An admiree? A semi-celebrity-crush?

It's been a while since a book has changed my life... the last book that concretely changed both my views and certain decisions was A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit, which I read multiple times throughout high school and college. READ THIS if you have the chance. It's brilliant and witty and true and feministic in a non-bra-burning way.

Now, however, I'm on a major Don Miller Trip. About a year ago, I read Blue like Jazz for the first time, and decided to read it again hoping it'd help me understand life and God and things. Along with it I read Searching for God Knows What because (a) I liked Don Miller for the most part and (b) I liked the title.

The book is brilliant.

His view of Christianity and Spirituality is a ton different than most everything I've come across in the past. He's both personal, real and brutally honest in his writing, and seems to have a decent understanding of the general human condition. He definitely presented some ideas worthy of somehow incorporating into my sometimes-seemingly-warped general world view.

As far as I know, the books don't exist in German...

Freaky Deaky Dutch

*checks the calendar*

Is it the end of August yet?

Actually, no, but I want to let everyone know that I'm going to be away until Friday afternoon/evening, so if I don't answer an e-mail or the phone, that's why. No, I'm not going to be institutionalized or admitted into a psych ward (that I know of)... I'm going on my first business trip, which I'm actually rather excited about. A colleague and I will be in Holland (where our European Headquarters are located) conducting a training seminar for one of our Budget-Planing and -Reporting Systems.

Today I test-drove the company Audi we get for the trip... but I still like my Scaramouche better.

Things are slowly getting better, and, like the high majority of the problems I have, it's nothing that can't be solved by a nice mixture of journaling, pondering, chocolate, and mass quantities of mood-elevating Chinese herbs. And time, of course.

One more thought (this is currently a minor-side-issue): if one more person makes one more sexist comment in my presence, I'm going to quit my job, go to Bible College, become a preacher, start my own church, and preach against sexism and how Jesus was actually a radical thinker during his time and saw ALL people as equals.

La la la la

*waves to everyone*

I'm going to take a break from blogging until I get certain aspects of life figured out.

In the past three months (funny how quickly a day turns into a week turns into a month turns into three months) or so, I've been trying to work through some stuff and for some reason things are taking longer than normal to resolve.

For my Dear Readers who regularly read the blog, I'll post an update at the end of August.

That's... all... I... have... to... say... for... now...


Lyric of the Day: "I need an intervention, a touch of providence. It goes beyond religion, to my very circumstance." -thanks to dcTalk

Family Europe Trip, Part 1

And now, folks, here are some pictures as promised. :)

Here are my Darlings in the Airplane...


On one of the first days, we went to Xanten to look at this Windmill where they actually grind the wheat, make flour, then bake fresh bread. Here's Katinka inside the Windmill...


Here I am with my Emita on top of the Windmill.


This is the little shop inside the Windmill where you can buy fresh bread.


Afterwards, we went by Eleanor's and took a walk through their lovely little town.


It was raining a little that afternoon, but we didn't care. We might be sweet, but we're not made out of sugar. :)


To my Dear German Readers: a Windmill might not be that exciting for you guys... but it's definitely something you don't see in the States, which is why we were there. :)

Back to the States and Back to Normal...

Well, my five favourite people in the world made it back safely to the States. Though I'm glad they had a safe trip, I'm not glad they're back home.


*wipes away a (unfortunately very literal and recurring) tear*

My parents have always told me and my sisters, "if you won't do anything about it, then you can't complain about it."

Is this my way of complaining? Maybe.

Am I having a hard time? Yes.

Should I be complaining? Probably not.

Should I do something about it? I don't know. That's the Big Question.

If anyone has any ideas, thoughts or suggestions about what the heck I should do with the rest of my life, I'm open for discussion.

And now for a new and slightly lighter topic: the photos from our trip are taking a while to sort and upload... but I'll be posting some as soon as I can.

I miss my fam.


Lyric of the Day: "All I really want to say is you're the reason I want to stay, but destiny is calling and won't hold. And when my time is up I'm out of here... It often makes no sense, in fact I never understand these things." - thanks to Ben Folds Five

Good-bye for a while...

I've decided to take a break from writing for two primary reasons:

1. I need time to sort some things out and think some things through. Writing an Emo-blog is something I decided early on not to do, but I'd also like my writing to be open and honest. Which means I ought to take a break at this point.

2. My family will finally be here this week and we're going to be out and about much of the time.

If you believe (a) there's a God and (b) He's personal, then you could pray that my family's traveling would be safe, that we'd have a wonderful time together, and that I'd be able to somehow work through all the crap that's going on in my head.

If you don't believe there's some sort of a personal God, or you're not sure, then I challenge you to really spend some time thinking about your beliefs, your life, your purpose and your future. That's the type of thing you really ought to sort out and be sure of before you die.

Most likely until the end of July,
Mary

Choir Weekend

Once again, today feels more like a Picture Day as opposed to a Word Day, so here are some pictures from this weekend. Our Choir spent most of Saturday practicing for a concert we'd like to give in the Fall, and then we sang at our church this morning. As always, click on the photo to make it larger.


Here we are warming up... this is the closest Syd and I come to doing sports.*



Though we don't look that excited, practicing is actually rather fun, and can even be quite hilarious at times.



My favourite Tenor and Bass... :)



Here's Biff starting the grill fire... is this normal? Can I make a generalization and say that the majority of Germans start their grill fires this way? Or is it a Center of the Universe Thing?



Helmut not only has a thing for a certain young lady at church, but for cell phones...



Here's Syd fastening the salad bowl to the tractor - the ride home is pretty bumpy. Yes, I know I shouldn't make fun of him, but sometimes he kind of asks for it. :)



Sunday morning singing at church...



Last but not least, a group photo outside the church...



*swimming with Huckleberry excluded

Halde*

This was taken on a little mountain/hill right outside my town...



*ist das richtig buchstabiert?

What to write... ?

*thinks about what to write*

*eats chocolate*

*writes something extremely negative*

*deletes*

*thinks some more*

*writes something twistedly sarcastic*

*deletes*

*thinks again*

*gazes out the window*

*writes something tragically honest*

*deletes*

*closes her eyes and thinks*

*writes in symbolism*

*deletes*

*eats more chocolate*

*writes something irrelevant and shallow*

*deletes*

*thinks some more*

*gives up*


As many of you know, that's kind of where I am at this point. And not just with the blog. But things are improving.

Thoughts of a Hair-Twirling Brat

I was debating whether or not to even go to church a couple of weeks ago just cause I was so burnt out from everything. But, as I've been taught to make decisions based on what I think is right as opposed to what I feel like, I decided to take a deep breath and go for it. All was well until the following conversation after the sermon with a certain older woman who's notorious for making people run crying out of the building, never to return. 

Lady: "Do you really think you should twirl your hair during the church service?" 

Mary: "Em... I never really thought about it." 

Lady: "Do you do it subconsciously?" 

Mary: "Well... I realize I'm doing it... but..." 

Lady: "So it's deliberate? Do you realize it distracts people?" 

Mary: "Em... no..." 

Lady: "And do you think it's appropriate to sit the way you do?" 

Mary: "Excuse me?" 

Lady: "You sit Indian-style throughout the entire service. Now, I'd understand if a three-year-old would do that, but... how old are you?" 

Mary: "Em... I'm 24..." *hangs her head in shame* 

Lady: *gasp* "24..." 

Mary: "I don't want to discuss this anymore." 

Lady: *starts to talk* 

Mary: "I said, I can't discuss this. And if I feel like twirling my hair, I think I ought to be able to do so."  

Am I a brat? The secret's out, folks: I'm a terribly immature hair-twirling sassy-mouthed brat. But sometimes there's simply no other option. Last time we talked, the issue was my weight. 

Lady: "You look really thin... it's not healthy to be so thin." 

Mary: "I've always been thin... it's just the way I am, and I generally feel healthy." 

Lady: "But SO thin... you even look like you've lost weight." 

Mary: "Maybe I have. Maybe I'm under stress." 

Lady: "What do you eat? Do you eat vegetables?" 

Mary: "No, I hate vegetables. I never eat them." 

Lady: *looks me up and down* 

Mary: "I only eat chocolate... for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Vegetables make me sick." 

Seriously, though... I think there are more important things to criticize me on. If someone's going to criticize or question me, believe me, there are a TON of things you could focus on. Real things. Serious things. Arguably dangerous things. If anyone's interested, let me know and I'll write you a book. But the way I sit in church? Please. It's superficial and shallow and irrelevant and annoying. Yesterday, I was tempted to sit Indian-style. And to even try twirling my hair with both hands. And to maybe even smack gum and pop bubbles during the sermon. But instead I sat all the way in the back and behaved myself.

Limited Internet Access...

Due to lack of internet access, I'm going to be unable to update this blog for a limited, yet unknown, period of time. Hopefully things will be up and running in a week or so.

Also, if you need to get in touch with me, please pick up the phone instead of sending an e-mail.

Thanks...

I miss my friend...

...my dearest friend Esther. She's one of the few people I can really talk with, who knows pretty much everything, and who actually understands things. I think it's because we're both kind of quirky and complicated, have a similar way of thinking and over-analyzing, and have a practically identical communication style.

We met washing our hands in the dorm bathroom our freshman year of college and were both excited to find another girl who's interested in computer science.

But she's in Mexico for the next week or so, and I'm, well, here in Deutschland. *sniff sniff*

On a different note (this is for my Dear German Readers), I finally updated the Church Blog.

Language Observation and Rabbit Trails

Sometimes when I throw in English words into a conversation, people don't understand me. Even when I repeat myself, they sometimes have trouble. Unless I repeat myself with a British accent. Or a German accent.

Why is that?

I know they learn British English in the schools here... but is my English really that difficult to understand?

It's always humorous when people "correct" my English. There are standard English words and phrases that Germans use, which they all mispronounce (but when everyone mispronounces it, it eventually becomes "correct", right?). And when I pronounce something "correctly," they'll sometimes make fun of me and tell me my pronunciation is off, just because it's different (albeit correct) than what they're used to.

Em...

But that's ok - I actually find it rather amusing.

That's all for the Language Realm today...

You know you're a nerd when...

- you're excited to finally learn what Macros are (think: Microsoft Access and Excel), and how to program them.

- the fact that you can apply concepts from your high school logic course to your current job makes you giddy.

- you almost get in a car wreck on the Autobahn while listening to the Brandenberg Concerto and imaginging/pretending/day-dreaming that you're the conductor.

- you find you have a strange attraction to scrawny Marketing/Advertising guys with wire-rimmed glasses and hair-that-your-mother-might-find-too-long, who look like they stepped out of the 70's.

Not that I've experienced any of these things, of course...

Interesting News Article...

US 'terror alert' for Germany

A US media report suggests that US and German officials fear a terror attack against American targets in Germany is in the advanced planning stages.

The report surfaced on ABC News, but US intelligence officials told the BBC they were unaware of any new threat in the last few days.

However, a warning for US citizens to stay vigilant was issued by the US state department two weeks ago.

"Any specificity of target or timing is simply not there," the BBC was told.

Source: BBC News


Hmm. Maybe the non-stop drama, criticism, and frustration does have an end. Though I doubt Neukirchen will be a hot target for terrorists.

Crazy Brits

So... they say "tummy button" instead of "belly button."

And they don't go to the "bathroom", but to the "loo."

And if they don't like something, it's "rubbish."

*tee hee*

Mary vs. Frau Barber vs. Mary-san*

The Art of Direct Address is becoming more complex by the minute! At my former job, it could be complicated at times (think: formal vs. informal "you")... but at my new job, I not only have to deal with German norms and language quirks, but also Japanese norms and idiosyncrasies. I've discovered that there's actually no consistency... it all depends on a myriad of factors including, but not limited to:

- your status (employee, manager, directer, etc.),

- your country (Germany, Holland, England, Japan, etc.),

- your language and its particular norms,

- your familiarity with the addressee,

- the distance you'd like to maintain with the addressee,

- your personal preferences.

Here are some generalizations:

- on the "European Level", everyone generally speaks English and calls eachother by their first name,

- on the "German Level", everyone generally speaks German and says "Mr.", "Ms." or "Mrs." and uses the formal "you,"

- the "Management", including German managers, are generally on a first-name and informal "you" basis with one another.

- the Japanese generally call you by your first name, with the suffix "-san" attached.

The question, of course, is how one ought to apply this conglomeration of rules practically and correctly. Hmm.

The majority of my co-workers call me either "Mary" or "Frau Barber." Certain co-workers avoid speaking directly to me and avoid using "you" at all, as they're not sure whether to use the formal or informal version.** My German boss calls me "Frau Barber." My Japanese boss calls me "Mary-san."

Welcome to the International Business World.


*Sorry if this is boring for you guys... this topic fascinates me for some reason. :)

**That's one thing that's interesting about German - you can carry on a lengthy conversation without even saying "you"... you can replace "you" with "one" or "man." Ah, the delicate art of language.

Ah, life...

Ok, it's Honest Time...

This past week or so has been hard not only for me, but for quite a few people on this side of the world. So much has taken place; lives have been changed; tears have been shed... but, like anything, it's part of life and the only way out is through.

The funeral and surrounding events have brought me to certain realizations both about myself and about life in general. I seriously think it's time to pull the Thinking Shirt out of the closet...

So, that's what's going on lately: lots of thinking, and practically no productive activity.

It's not always easy living alone* and in a foreign** country.



*though I'm rarely alone... and if anything, I need more time just for myself. Gotta love the introversion.

**even though I've been here over a year, there are still many cultural aspects and rules that I'm unaware of, as well as an ever-crumbling language barrier.

Befiehl du deine Wege*

Befiehl du deine Wege und was dein Herze kränkt,
der aller treusten Pflege des, der den Himmel lenkt.
Der Wolken, Luft und Winden gibt Wege, Lauf und Bahn,
der wird auch Wege finden, da dein Fuß gehen kann.

Auf, auf, gib deinem Schmerze und Sorgen gute Nacht!
Lass fahren, was das Herze betrübt und traurig macht.
Bist du doch nicht Regente, der alles führen soll:
Gott sitzt im Regimente und führet alles wohl.

Wohl dir, du Kind der Treue, du hast und trägst davon
mit Ruhm und Dankgeschreie den Sieg und Ehrenkron.
Gott gibt dir selbst die Palmen in deine rechte Hand,
und du singst Freudenpsalmen dem, der dein Leid gewandt.

Mach End, O Herr, mach Ende mit aller unsrer Not;
stärk unsre Füß und Hände und lass bis in den Tod
uns allzeit deiner Pflege und Treu empfohlen sein,
so gehen unsre Wege gewiss zum Himmel ein.

- Paul Gerhardt


This is a favourite German Hymn of mine... it's about the dynamic interaction between you and God: God directing you on this Road That Is Life, and you trusting Him despite trials and frustrations. This is continual process until you one day pass from this life here on earth into eternity...

...how do you want to look back on your life? Wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to look back and say that you truly followed God? That you trusted Him, even when times were hard? That you made the right decisions? That you had a purpose? That your life was meaningful? That you lived for others? That you were content?

Eternity has already started (does it even have a beginning?)... so start living accordingly today.


*sorry, but I'm not in a Translating Mood ;)